so i have been feeling quite far or distant from God for quite a while – for the second half of last year it was cos i was caught up in sin and most particularly time wastage but i sorted that out – confessed and made right with God, and people – just before Summer Camp – and have been trying to get into a place of spending more time seeking God and resting in Him and listening to Him (altho to be fair, i think i still have a long way to go there) and so in one sense it feels like i’ve put everything in place or gotten to the optimal place (ish, comparatively speaking at least) so that i should be hearing from Him and seeing Him, but still the sense of distance prevaileth.

however, last week when i was doing the talk at the school event and the kids were being horrible in terms of focus and attention and just general rudeness (before my talk began) and one of the young guys came and prayed for me a sense of peace came over me and God pitched up and the talk happened but just completely God…

then this Sunday i preached at both services and was uncharacteristically nervous at the start of both for different reasons but also no real reason, and was calling out to God to show up or i would be in trouble and both times He really really did (the evening one started a bit shaky but definitely a sense of God really being in it and bringing it together)…

and so yes i am in a space of being or feeling at least far from God and yet regularly there are these interventions and visitations from this God from far…

i’m guessing there’s a chance He is not as far away as i might like to think at the moment and is simply teaching me an essential lesson of trusting Him and relying on Him and not doing stuff in my own strength (an easy lesson to ‘know’ in your head but how to live?) and that is not a  bad thing – even about next year and the future, there needs to be a complete relying on Him as i don’t have a clue what the next step is.

but i think that’s ok. i know He’s got that one. and me.