okay i’ve posted quite a bit today already so those 5 of you who subscribe and are getting notification emails must really be hating… but this one i couldn’t resist, and i have been fairly quiet in recent days (i think)
let’s get this straight to begin with – this is a hypothetical blog – we don’t have a baby and in fact we don’t particularly want one right now and with the beautiful val’s thesis being handed in today that just leaves you with “so do you know what you’re doing this year yet?”
but having seen a friend of mine’s status on facebook today i couldn’t help but have some thorts on this one. what is it that gives perfect strangers the feeling that they have the right to go up to a complete stranger and touch, carry, hold, kiss their baby?
as i said i don’t have a baby, but if i did and i saw a stranger try and touch my baby i would probly mace them [okay i probly wouldn’t for two reasons, 1 – i don’t have any mace, and 2 – i’m a wuss, but i would strongly imagine it in my mind!] i don’t come up to you in a restaurant and go, “ooh a blackberry, let me see” and start phoning one of my friends to check it out. if you have a new car i don’t – as a perfect stranger – climb into the passenger seat at a traffic light and say, “let’s see what she’s got”
and those are inanimate things. we’re talking about a baby here. a human life. it has to be one of the rudest, most invasive acts you can pull on a new mother and one that is pretty freaky i imagine. i don’t know what disease you may be carrying, what dodgy intentions you might have, where those hands have been etc etc
how about it mothers of small kids? is it just me or has this gone too far? and those of you who are perpetrators of this? what makes you think it’s okay? give us your thorts. [oh, and come on brits, i’m sure you have some gems too]
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yes! This is a great post. (was thinking of doing one on people asking very private questions like “when are you having a baby?” Nobody would think of asking, “So when are you next having sex?” or “How’s your’s and Brett’s sex life?” And yet this incredibly intimate and personal choice and act of having a baby seems to be everybody’s business)
hey brett,
cool comparison to Blackberry.
Put I partly dig that people could go up to strangers and “celebrate” their joy of a new life.
i am reminded of the awesome african saying: umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu (“a person is a person through (other) persons”)
we are to live in community. I know we need to be careful of what is invasive etc.
and i agree we do live in a sick world. but living in the UK right now… everything you do seems so invasive. people don’t speak to each other anymore.
i do miss the openess of south africa big time.
its a massive first world concept… (and sandton..haha)… close your doors, have higher walls, we build these “forts” for protection yet some people build up “personal forts” keeping people out.
well that is my 2 cents… or should I say 2 pence..
Yes, if I remember correctly, my wife had someone ask her once when she was in a supermarket if they could hold our baby. Maybe some maternal instinct is awakened in ladies (cos in our experience, its mostly ladies that do it) when they see a baby. Its so cute. But I agree, total strangers should not be allowed to hold your child – look at, admire, talk to – yes, but not touch. And yet, we’ve found that having a baby or small child with us opens up opportunities for interaction with strangers that generally wouldn’t happen otherwise. And I think that the desire of people to reach out and touch a child is mostly an innocent gesture of connecting on a very human level with another innocent and open human being. I suppose I would do a quick risk assessment in a situation and decide on where to draw the line. If, through the act of my child touching the hand of another human being, we can minister a bit of love in a world of disconnectedness, then we’ll do it. There are obviously boundaries (I wouldn’t let a stranger hold my kid), but most often we bring the shutters down on interaction far too close, and too quickly.
yes i hear both barry and darrel and i agree with a lot of what you say but i think what i am railing against is the assumption that because there is a baby i have the right to touch it – with permission absolutely and what you said about community and bringing down walls and creating bridges and that kind of thing – but it’s strangers feeling the right to touch your kid which i don’t think is cool especially cos it makes a lot of people uncomfortable – in a setting of people you know then it is a lot greater and more comfortable and can give the mom a break (as my sister in law said the other day) and that’s where umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu really comes to the fore i think and hopefully as the church we are creating communities where that kind of interaction can freely and lovingly exist…
Whahaha!!! Ok… Relax… Deep breaths… I have 4 kids (ok, given, @ this stage I’m handing them off to strangers) no, no.. Really now.. I don’t think anyone has ever been like a total stranger and been like all up in my face to coo chi coo my babies! Church life aside – ’cause all bets r off if you walk into your church with a baby in your arms..
One thing I never do is make my kids kiss people!! Never!! I make them greet, Dagan (my son) has to shake hands, but that is it! I remember as a young girl being forced to kiss old geezers and it was totally non-toyoda (grin)!
So don’t stress.. No one is grabbing your distant-to-be-baby!!!
My thoughts are incredibly similar to yours Brett… especially in public places and often in church…. there are just some people that I won’t trust them to touch let alone hold my children… I’m all for community, our home is always filled with people coming and going etc… but there are some people that at this stage are simply not trustworthy.
The one thing worse than having random people touch or hold your children ex-utero is the belly touching while they’re still baking…. “Hey, That’s my belly!!!”
@amazed I hate those baby questions… especially when conceiving is a difficult thing.
agreed people should just not touch babies. lol.
but i do like the idea of people being able to interact and speak to one another.
stranger “ah, what a cute baby”
parents: “why, thank you…”
and then maybe a conversation flows from there…