got this great email from a good friend of mine who i will keep nameless, with some in-your-face honest and challenging questions/statements towards the end – could the problem be me? flip. [not me-me, you-me]

Hi Brett

My comment would be way too long, so thought I’d send an email instead.

As a happy-ish single girl, who has loads of friends (many of whom are very nice, good-looking, Jesus-loving single men), is involved in the church, and really wants to settle down with some lovely guy and have a family and home, I’ve been struck by this series of blogs. I’ve been single since just before I turned 16 (I’m almost 24). Most of that time has been spent liking boys and getting nowhere, day-dreaming about marriage and babies, wishing I wasn’t single, and getting very frustrated.

Jesus has shaken me out of this a few too many time to count. When I really get out of my own worries and self-pity, I realise a few things. Firstly, I wasn’t created to get married. I was created to glorify God with my everything. The mission Jesus gave me was to make disciples of all nations, to love God, and to love others. When these things are first and foremost in my mind, I know that even if I never get married, God will be my satisfaction for the rest of my life. Secondly, when I’m not desperately hunting around for some guy to fill this empty space, I get a lot more attention from guys who love Jesus (figures:) But my job is to become the person God made me to be, and to prepare for the ultimate wedding, when Jesus enjoys his bride for eternity. The perk is that in preparing for that wedding, I’m preparing for my earthly wedding too (if and when that happens).
So wanted to get that out the way, cause I know you’ve spoken about it before, but it always deserves reiterating. Our focus should never be on marriage, and finding the right person. It should be on being the right person for Jesus, first and foremost, and hopefully for a nice guy too.

Having said that, I’ve noticed that us single people are a bitter and vocal bunch. I could sit around and look at my girlfriends who are single, and wonder what is wrong with the men in our church for not snapping them up straightway. I could wonder how I’m still single, cause surely I’m not that bad? But the reality is that in my church, and the others that I occasionally visit, there are new couples getting together quite often, engagements happening every other week, and lots of happily married folk. I could look at my friends again and notice that most of them are happily dating/engaged/married. Whilst this makes my singleness much more evident, and harder to deal with, it does stop me lumping all Christian guys with the label of not ‘stepping up’. It just so happens that the boys I’ve liked haven’t stepped up (probably with good reason).

There are lists and lists of things that could be pushing guys away, stopping them from asking us out, or wanting to get to know us. I almost wrote a list. But those things are so specific to us as individuals. I suggest girls (and guys) sitting down with their friends and asking them to be really honest about some of the major character flaws, or annoying/weird/mean things we do, and then starting there. Not just for the sake of finding a mate, but for the sake of all of our relationships.

Feel like thats the gist of what I wanted to say, hope something is useful for your blogs:)