Hi, my name is Uel and pre-December 2011 I was an avid rock climber, swam in the sea a lot, gymed, organized adventure camps and helped out at church.
But in December 2011 i dived into a river and well, i didn’t end up winning any medals for my attempt but did unfortunately break my neck leaving me paralyzed from the chest down…..
I was air lifted to hospital where I spent 100 days, eish. The doctors didn’t have much hope for me regaining any movement below my shoulders and classified me a quadraplegic.
2 and a half years later I can now move my arms and my wrists, i have sensation in some of my fingers and recently my stomach muscles started working… hey, gotta do some crunches for summer.
Life is obviously more difficult now. I can’t brush my own teeth, I can’t scratch my own shoulder, i can only feed myself certain foods if I’m in a specific position, I can’t hold a glass, I constantly fight with my duvets (and they win) if my arms get tangled, I can’t speak for too long without getting out of breath as my diaphragm is weaker, I can only swallow food with my head in a certain position as my throat muscles are stronger on 1 side (weird right?), I pee in a bag cause I can’t walk to the bathroom, I can’t fight off spiders, I can’t stop myself if I fall over, I can’t brush my hair…cause my head’s shaved so I ain’t got any! HA! And the list goes on…..
I’m 6ft2 and so getting me into a car is super tricky and we don’t have a wheelchair friendly car. Because of that, I don’t leave home often but even when I do, after a couple hours my body is tired and I need a bed.
Going out to familiar places and not being able to do familiar things is tough on the soul. Like flying to Hawaii and staying in the aeroplane while everyone else disembarks.
Though going out is good at times but my parents need to carry snacks to feed me regularly so my blood pressure doesn’t drop too much cause then I faint. Oops. I’m not some strange hybrid Transformer creature with wheels glued to my behind. I’m just a guy sitting down in a wheelchair….for now so I’m not quite sure why some people stare at me like I have coodies and they may catch it?
Perhaps in this performance based world where in many countries, if anyone has a disability; they are left to die as infants, or cast out, or put in homes, or even hidden from the public as I recently found out happens in my own back yard just outside Cape Town. But I come from a loving family with the most wonderful people in my life so luckily I’m allowed out into the open and don’t have to live in a bell tower.
In my current condition, when I go out, I’ve noticed 4 types of people:
1) those that try to ignore you so hard that it becomes awkward (like people trying so hard not to look at a beggar).
2) those that stare and gossip.
3) those that act over friendly as a type of over-compensation.
4) those that act normal.
Just to let you all know, number 4 is the winner, do that more and it boils down to education. Not the school/university type of education, but just people skills and realizing that this is what life dealt us. Some are paralyzed, some are born that way, some have an extra chromosome, some catch a disease, some have a chemical imbalance and for some it was an accident but NOBODY chose it so let’s have a little compassion….not pity but the greatest of all – Love.
I think that all kids/teens (and adults) should be exposed to orphanages, homes for mentally disabled people, old age centers, cancer wards etc etc and you know what, you may just be surprised at the wonder and beauty you find there. Let’s stop aiming at producing *celebrities and pro-athletes but start aiming at creating caring people.
Many people in the conditions mentioned above don’t have the most love and support because they often get labelled as outcasts. So be a light in their lives and add a little more shine to this world.
Much love – Uel
*Disclaimer: I don’t have anything against celebrities or pro-athletes and none of them were harmed in the making of this
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Uel is indeed a funny dude.
Back at ya. I gotta try that whole “pretend I’m a carrot” thing you mentioned 😉
Take it from me Uel. I am a C5 quad since July 31st 1980. Things get easier as time goes by and you learn how to use what you have. I am a quad who now paints. if someone had told me 30 years ago I would b an artist I would have said (bullshit). Check it out at http://a-to-z.me Good luck to you and keep the positive attitude. It helps a ton.
Thanks for stopping by Scott. Will take a look at your work when I get a chance.
Hey Scott, thanks for the motivation! Your paintings are awesome, wow. Keep creating that beauty.
Hi Uel! My newphew is 29 and was injured about 4 years ago in a similar accident. He can move one arm and is doing fairly well. He does not eat on his own, is too hungry, but I wish he would! I am going to follow your blog. He also was a mountain climber and quite the adventurous sort. Thanks for sharing and I hope things continue to improve for you!!
Hey Lisa, thank you so much for stopping by and sorry to hear about your nephew. Uel is an absolute star and would be a great person to be connected to.
Hi Lisa, thanks for the comment and I will keep your nephew in my prayers (cause who can ever get enough prayer right?! Haha). As long as he keeps adventure alive in his heart, the rest will follow.
My boyfriend paralyzed November 2011 he gradually gains and looses functions…I pray for one day slide transfers. .maybe even a trip down the river with enough balance to kayak…or special seat for me to take him to go on atv ride…hes c3 incomplete…wish we had better resources where we live…thanks for sharing your views I hear them from him often he was very active in the outdoors falling on your head 30 feet from a tree hunting accident then laid 13 hpurs before help arrived… lots of love to u and your loved ones…stay strong. …Brenda
Hi Brenda, thank you so much for stopping by. Really sorry to hear about your boyfriend. Sounds like it was quite a traumatic accident. Great that he has you in his life though. Strength and love, Brett fish
Hi Brenda, sorry to hear about your boyfriend but a massive high-5 to you for still being there for him…it means A LOT! If you are in the praying business, keep at it! 🙂 Your planned adventures sound awesome, do it. Where abouts do you live that the resources aren’t great? Be blessed
Loved the message Uel! I am an occupational therapist in the USA who has had the privilege of working with quadriplegic and paraplegic patients. I am currently working with 2 patients who sustained c5-c6 spinal cord injuries in the same car accident and are now quadriplegics. I learn from my patients every day and do all I can to help them. The best lesson I have learned is that they are all just regular people who want to live as normal and independent a life as they are able. Thanks for sharing because even I need to be reminded every now and then.
Thank you so much for stopping by Naydza and be encouraged for the excellent work it sounds like you are doing. Keep on!
love brett fish
Heya Naydza, thanks for the comment and this sounds weird but thanks for being an OT 🙂 You guys really help a whole lot! Keep changing lives.
Hi Uel, what a great post! Thanks for sharing your experience and motivational thoughts!
I have a rather personal question to ask, hope you don’t get offended. Please feel free to ignore it if you don’t want to share…
Do you have a girlfriend and what are your thoughts about dating girls, etc?
I am interested to know what a man in your position makes of it as I fell in love with a guy with similar condition as yours but things between us didn’t work out.. He hated talking about his disability and its impact on emotional commitment or relationships. I would like to understand and see it from the other side as well.
Many thanks! And keep up the positive vibes! Life is beautiful 🙂
Best wishes
Bobby
Hey Bobby, thanks for commenting. I’m sorry to hear what happened. If you message me on Facebook or leave your email address here, I’d be happy to write to you about the whole girlfriend thing and hopefully give you some insight as to how what that guy may have been feeling. Be blessed
Uel… what a wonderful outlook on life you have! You are well spoken, humble, informative and clearly, taking this situation standing up…yes, I did say that! Now before you think that is some sort of mean thing to say, what I am actually saying is this… you will find yourself standing and perhaps doing other amazing things because of your mindset, perseverance, your will to move forward (literally and figuratively). There will be good days and there will be bad days but at the end of the day, you are a survivor. You are optimistic, positive, do everything you can (even though you may have been told by the professionals that you never will). You are here for reasons you may not understand at the moment but in time, they will be revealed to you. My mother had 5 major brain aneurysms that left her mostly paralyzed and non-verbal (but she understood everything). She had aphasia and that made it pretty much impossible for her to communicate using a lap top, paddles, colors, deliberate facial expressions such as looking up for “yes”, down for “no” and the like. I made her several books that had details of eating or other tasks broken down into choices. She could read and she could point so that helped us understand her. Her endless frustration was eased by having a routine, being surrounded by people that loved her and her own inner strength. All that said, as an extremely active person, she knew her position in life was to bring joy to others and inspire them to live each day fully. Although she was right handed, she could only use her left hand slightly. That one gift enabled her to eventually operate a scooter that helped her regain a little independence. She even learned how to brush her teeth and feed herself with little assistance. It took years but she got some of her digestive tract back and could sit up in a chair without support. She would become upset if people tried to help her, as she decided early on that she had all the time in the world to try to do something herself… the only blessing of being forced to retire suddenly. We got her pull on pants and tops (no zippers, buttons, ties) that she was able to put on. That self reliance gave her the confidence that she could live a full life in spite of her condition. She was a joy to everyone around her. People went out of their way to spend time with her. They would say that they had insecurities, limitations, their own health issues, adversities and such that they obsessed with during their lives (but they were able to let a lot of that go because she showed them what the joy of living was). She loved getting involved in all sorts of activities, even if she struggled to do them. It all built her self esteem as well as motor skills, dexterity, balance, etc. So you see now why I was drawn to your story. You are an inspiration that has everything to live for, so much to strive for! You are seeing the progress that few in the medical arena gave you much hope for. I have no doubt you will go far and as time passes, newer treatments will be developed. You just keep doing what you are doing and realize that people across the other side of the globe are thinking about, praying for and wishing you all the best!!! Dawn
Hey Dawn, thank you so much for stopping by and for sharing some of your own story as well. Uel is a champ and he is confounding doctors all the time and we look forward to much more.
Love brett fish
Hi Dawn, thanks for the encouraging words and motivation. Thank you as well for sharing your mum’s story, she sounds like an inspiring woman with lots of fight left in her. I too will keep her in my prayers.
I’m a c4c5c6 quad since 97. I’ve noticed when people stare my family is more offended by it then I am. I only get a little annoyed with the overly friendly people who say weird stuff. I think If your normally friendly then be that way but if you go out of your way to stop me to say some goofy nonsense like, “slow down or you will pop a wheelie”. At least make it really funny if you need to do it. Uel therapy is everything. I hope you have a good support system to help you.
hey Jessica, thank you for stopping by. Really appreciate the encouragement and advice and love the picture of ‘friendly people saying weird stuff’ – i more than likely fall into that – and if you know Uel like i do those wheelies are completely intentional and not accidental.
All the best
love brett fish
Hi Jessica, thanks for popping in and sharing. So true about people saying weird stuff, haha. I guess they’re trying the only way they know how. I do have the most wonderful support system that put up with me 😉 All the best!
[…] [To meet Uel Maree who had an unfortunate diving accident, click here] […]
Hello Awesomeness.
Just remember- you are a light in MY world.. Hope there are many more posts heading our way!
Thanks for the link. I think society and the world in general have a lot wrong with it. You made some good points and I agree with you fully. What is all the pity about?
Keep rocking, Cookie Monster! Have a healthy smoothie on me, k?
xx
Thankx for stopping by Michane and yes we always look forward to posts by this Ninja man – we should make him a more regular feature of this blog methinks although working on him to try get his own going…
love brett fish
Haha, hi Michy. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Hope all is well in Pta and love to the family. ?
Hi Uel,
Don’t forget the fifth type… Who looks at the wheelchair and then uses a really loud voice, short sentences and only monosyllabic words.. Because being in a wheelchair means we’re deaf and have a visual impairment too.
In the words of a mindless fish… “Just keep swimming”, we don’t have any other choice anyway. Enjoyed reading what you wrote, it brought back many memories. And even now I have to plan in advance for anything because everything takes 3 times longer than it used to.
P.S. My electric wheelchair tipped over in front of 600 people last year going onto a stage and I ended up in hospital with a concussion. I can’t really recommend wheelchair stage-diving.
Oh dear wow, that sounds like a tough one. I can imagine tripping in front of that many people and trying to recover, but throw in electronics and a wheelchair and it must be all sorts of painful.
Hahaha, so true about that 5th kind Helen.
Oh no! A stage dive…glad it was just a concussion but I will indeed take your recommendation to heart 🙂
Have a great day
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What a story. I know what it’s like not to be able to do things on your own. Also, about number 4 on your list, I find that I can find more faith in humanity when people (even complete strangers) can have a “normal” conversation with me. Keep up the great work with your blog and good luck! 🙂
Thank you so much for stopping by. If you ever want to share you story Mason, drop me a line at brettfish@hotmail.com – have a great week, love brett fish