I am a 37 years old single guy.
I would point out that I have tried not to be single a few times….
I have had my fair share of relationships in life. I was engaged once too. So technically speaking I am disengaged now (see what I did there) ha ha ha.
Before I get into the meaning of things in life for me, I would like to share a bit about me. I am a free lance sound engineer. I blog a bit too. And I do have a few online ventures going at the moment too (all above board). Living life, almost on my own terms. One could say this adds to the reasons for my singleness…
I think we all take time in life to find ourselves. And some longer than others. I fall in that category. For most of my early years were spent on frivolous pursuits and running after women lol. Clearly I never caught them or was it I that I could not maintain my grip on them (they were rather slippery). Well…. I will not think on that for too long now.
It is a humbling notion, that we actually take years to get to know ourselves. This has always confounded me, since humans tend to pride themselves on their achievements. Not that I am declaring myself an alien, but that humanity as a whole tends to think that we have arrived. For all our advances in technology, we are not born knowing ourself.
But getting to know yourself is a time thing whether we like it or not. Its the way life works. And for this reason I find myself single, I am still finding out stuff about myself.
37 years, yes most of my friends are married. No, worse than that, they have children. And to add fuel to fire, they have teenage children. And to think I knew some of my friends since they were single (gasp). Needless to say I don’t spend much time with them anymore. Just kidding.
I find that with people getting married, my friendship changes. I guess I understand because the dynamics of two people and add children and all things change. My brother (7 years younger than me) is married and has 3 children already. I get it, life changes. But I think there is still space in life for just the guys to meet. I mean without the demands of the wife and children. Obviously not every week, but I do think it is necessary.
I do think the church (by this I mean body of believers) can help here. Being single is not a disease. And the assumption that being single (church people read ‘alone’) is a curse. Imagine getting married when not ready, I cannot think of a more punishing thing to both people involved. Yes the clock is ticking, but we christians are going to live forever, right?
I have some good friends married and single, and no one ever pressures me (anymore). Maybe they afraid of the lecture I give them. Yes, I have some pre thought out arguments…… I will hit them with a few zingers like “Christian men can only get married after 33 years, because that is when Jesus was crucified he he he”.
That is a patented one, but since I am now older than 33 I guess you could use it if you want to.
Jesus we consider to be wise right? And when He was on earth……He was single….. Let that marinate a bit.
When it comes to ministry, being single is equivalent to having an infectious disease. Pastors avoid you like the plague. But in today’s age, there are a lot of singles over 30. I think there should be more single people in ministry. I mean happy single people, not perfect people, but happy ones. I mean those that are okay with themselves. There are some things only single people can convey. And I always seem to believe the “marrieds” in church sort of talk down to the singles. They get that distant look in their eye and mist rolls in and they reminisce on “their single days”.
Whether it is pity or nostalgia I never know.
To conclude.
Please treat single people like normal people. We are capable of being committed to things outside of ourselves. We want to help, we want to be part of things.
And the only infectious thing I have is my dry sense of humour…
Lynley
[To connect more with Lynley take a look at his blog over at thehonestone.co.za]
[For some other great story shares on the topic of Singleness, click here]
[…] to read the story of Lynley Pillay – cos guys can have single stories too […]
“It is a humbling notion, that we actually take years to get to know ourselves”
Indeed. I celebrate my singleness – most days. Some days I crave another body in my life – but right now, at age 41, I am trying to figure out who I am – and to inflict that process on a new relationship and another person is rough.
Here’s to finding out who we are.
I like your thoughts on the subject of singleness. Sadly, this is what most people who do not fit the mould experience from Christians whether single or otherwise. I think getting to know yourself depends on how much effort you put in to “getting to know yourself” and there’s no definitive cut-off period.
I must admit, I am also the type that generally does not fit in or comply with the general trend. So that adds to my complications. Yes we can never stop knowing and learning ourselves, but It helps at least working on it.
Nice post! I am 30 and STILL single. To add to that Ive never been in a relationship before so that’s that.
I guess the pressure of society is what throws off people off course. World standards of “if you are 30 and above you should be married already!” is the common saying I hear. But Id rather be single and happy than be married and miserable.
As for learning about myself, I learned that if it is God’s plan, everything will fall into place – life, career, and yes, love life included. 🙂
Thanks again for this!
Thank you. Pressure of life and society can be a bit much, especially with electronic media. It is a bit in our faces.
But hey, here we are salmon 🙂