so if you’re new here, brett andy comments are those that i make up having been hugely inspired by the far better jack handey quotes such as:

“I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”” [Jack Handey]

and:

“I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he’d eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.”

So i’m not there yet, but i’m working on it and i have a different blog where you can go and see the brett andy’s i’ve come up with so far – http://brettandy.wordpress.com – and i would love it if you can take a moment to read my last ten or so here and comment below on which are your favourite ones – any that made you smile or chuckle or even dare i say lol out loud…

“I’ve always wanted a deadly poisonous snake as a pet. That way I could hold him and chase all the neighbourhood kids and make them run away screaming. And then if he ever bit me, I could… Wait, I’m not sure I thought this all the way through.” [brett andy]

“If a tree in a forest falls on a mime, does it make a sound?” [brett andy]

“If I discovered, after years of following that cheeky little leprechaun, constantly being harassed and worn down emotionally by his relentless trickery and attempts at malicious subversion, that the prize waiting at the end of the rainbow was a pot of gouda, and not the gold I’d been expecting all those years, I think I would be sufficiently cheesed off, if you’ll excuse the language.” [Brett Andy]

“I remember the time I got bitten by a vampire. It really sucked.” [brett andy]

“Surely a much safer request would have been, “Play us a song, you’re the pianoman!” [brett andy]

“What if life goes straight to giving you the lemonade? I’m not sure we’ve been sufficiently prepared for that possiblity.” [brett andy]

“One thing Dracula really hates is being called Batman.” [brett andy]

“I just got a new virgin cellphone. It’s mostly pretty cool although it is hard to reach some of the numbers behind that tiny chastity belt.” [brett andy]

“I’d like to see Count Dracula get selected for the Transylvanian cricket team, cos I’ve always wanted to see his bat.” [brett andy]

“They described his actions as brave. But is it brave to chase down an armed gang of hoodlums with only an orange belt in karate and risk death or possible mutilation simply to retrieve an old lady’s purse. Well, I guess if you’re gonna put it like that, there might some hints of bravery one might possibly attribute to that.” [Brett Andy]

“Do you think if minutes were edible, they’d taste good enough that we’d want to go back for seconds?” [Brett Andy]