i love my wife, the beautiful Val, i really do, and when i love her well, i think i love her really, really well, but when i love her badly, i can REALLY suck at it…
one way i have becoming increasingly more aware of doing this is by giving her a “yes” to a question that she asks or a request she makes for me to do something, that sounds a lot more like an emphatic “No!”
another way of describing it would be “the kicking and screaming yes” cos okay i will do what you want me to do but know that it is interrupting my selfish moment of whatever i was busy doing and that i don’t really want to do it and am quite likely only doing it cos the consequences of not doing it are so much worse…
the Truth is, not even all those statements above are even true all the time. it is usually a request [or even a reminder of something i was already meant to do] that doesn’t affect my selfish universe all that much. and a lot of the times i would love nothing more than to do a thing which helps my wife or shows her love or makes her life that little bit easier [especially if she might be stressed after a hard day] and yet somehow my ‘well intentioned Love-enducing “YES!”‘ comes out sounding like a horrible, ungrateful whiny “NO WAY! PLEASE GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!”
i think there is some pride in there, for sure. and some power. pride and power. and possibly inertia [the preference to continue doing what i am currently doing, no matter how random it might be, as opposed to interrupting it for something else].
the reasons i am blogging about it are at least two: perhaps there are some of you husbandmans out there who will see the same thing in yourselves [maybe even some wifewomens if that is the opposite of husbandmens?] and need to do something about it. and to remind me to do something about it. i find bloggage a form of accountability as old posts get revisited from time to time and i get rechallenged or reminded by what was striking me at the time…
i plan to Love my wife Valerie better by letting my “yes”es sound more emphatically like “YES!”es!
[For a guest post by Dalene Reyburn called Doing the next right thing, click here]
[To return to the start of this series, click here]
[…] When my “yes” sounds like a “NO!” […]
You noticed it and you admitted to it publicly. That’s a start for sure. Good post.
I’m no wifewoman, however I have also been guilty of my responses sounding the complete opposite of how I intend them to be. I suppose it’s a matter of not getting so comfortable with the receiver of the “yes” that my replies ooze indifference.
[…] i realised was something i was doing way too much of a while back and so i blogged this thort on when my yes sounds like a no and have really been making a effort to try and be more enthusiastic with my yes’es… […]
[…] while back i looked at how my yes can sound very much like a no [which is about as helpful as receiving a no and possibly even worse] and i think this statement of […]
ouch my toes! my toes! (good post)
Hmm. Still not reading your blogs. I do that. (What you described above). However, with me it’s the other way. I say NO to keep my sense of self. But actually sometimes it should be yes.