my friend Sheralyn has a very different [and absolutely amazing!] take on one way to love your spouse better – she has been married to Sam for four years now and they have a little boy called Malakai:

as·sume

[uh-soom]

verb (used with object)

1. to take for granted or without proof: to assume that everyone wants peace. 

 Synonyms: suppose, presuppose; postulate, posit.

2. to take upon oneself; undertake: to assume an obligation.

sheralyn and sam cloete

Making your marriage work has a lot to do with how you think about your marriage and your spouse. So one way I know I can love my hubby better is to make assumptions! LOTS OF THEM! Normally we think assumptions are a bad thing, but that is really only if you are assuming the worst. In marriage you should always assume  the best. Always assume (take for granted) that your spouse loves you, wants what is best for you and does not want to say/do things that will intentionally hurt you.

Then when your spouse says or does something  that offends/hurts/irritates you (Because they will). Pause. Think, “Okay I know they love me and want the best for me, so maybe they meant that differently than I took it” / “Maybe they didn’t sms because they honestly are swamped with work” / “Perhaps they weren’t trying to undermine or criticize me.”/ “I will assume their brain is somewhere else for a second and they did not hear what I asked” etc. You can then ask for clarification/explanation, not from a place of hurt or frustration, but from a place of wanting to understand them better. That will dramatically affect your tone, wording and imaginings.

Starting for the place where you assume your spouse loves you, helps you to respond lovingly, it helps you focus truth, rather than fanciful lies you might get caught up in imagining. And who knows it may even help your spouse to really love you more.

 In conclusion, my friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable.

You can read more of Sheralyn’s writing and thoughts at her lovemultiplied blog which lives here.

[to read Brett Fish share about being present, click here]