My friend, Rebecca, who has written before on my blog – a message to South Africa over here, and about her journey with dyslexia over here – wrote this as a status update the other day:
Dear racist old man on the Pavilion escalator.
I’m sorry you smashed your phone screen and that it’s going to cost you R4000 to fix. But you don’t have to call the salesman you talked to that [insert derogatory name] it is really not his fault it costs so much. And even if it was you still can’t call him that.
And no I don’t think i’m a disrespectful ‘little girl’ for calling you out and I WILL NOT apologise!
And i was just so completely proud of her.
It is beyond time that we start doing this South Africa – whenever racism of prejudice of any type rears its ugly head. For too long we have cringed silently when a relative has referred to a 45 year old black woman working for them as “girl” or a friend has made an uncomfortable joke with racist implications.
Referring to members of another group as “those people” or starting any sentence with the words, “I’m not racist, but…” [which can only ever be followed by a racist statement] – from blatant to subtle to intended or not, it has to stop.
And anytime we stand by and say nothing we become complicit, which if that’s too big a word for you means it is as if we are doing that very racist thing ourselves.
We need to draw a line in the sand and go, “Here and no further.”
This feels like such a small one and yet it feels like such a big one. Mindsets and behaviours need to shift so that we can move forward together. You won’t necessarily change those who you call out, but you give them an opportunity to think about their words and hopefully move towards a better place.
And we need to be having more conversations around the dinner table about race – what is okay, what is not okay. This is one of the pressing needs for us in this country to get right so how about just once you push sport, movies, food to the side and have a good old chat about South Africa and race and what you are personally involved in in terms of helping us move to a better place…
[Want to read about some other ways we can move things forward in this country, click here]
True that!! x a million! And just to say that sometimes calling out racism comes at a cost – people don’t always like it and they might be mean to you about it and it might be awkward, even if you do it nicely and rationally. But it’s still worth it!
I think it will pretty much always come with a cost yeah. But still it is so much of the right thing to do.
I am torn. How many people respond well to criticism from people other than those they trust? Calling out family members and friends, in private, may be a good idea. In public debate etc. I think insults get thrown around to liberally, including ‘calling out racism’. Even if 100% correct, if the person feels attacked, are they going to change their views. Presumably the racism is so obvious that you don’t even need to say it, people will know. The person will read between the lines when they don’t get the response they were expecting.
At the same time, condoning unacceptable behaviour is a a problem. I don’t know the answer.
i hear you bro, i actually wrote my piece after having read the one you posted on your blog and absolutely when it comes to private calling out of family and friends – best way and most likely to produce desired results. BUT i would take it a step further – and on this it might help to differentiate between being a racist and saying/doing something racist – and say that publicly [like with my friend] i believe the world would be a better place if every time racist behaviour was demonstrated, we drew a line and said ‘Not here. Not now. Not on my watch.’ – if someone tries to tell a racist joke and four times in four different spaces he gets shut down, then just maybe he will start to think about it or at least stop telling it in those groups of people. Those who are on the edge thinking i wonder if that is bad or not get an immediate confirmation from the bold person who says, “that is unacceptable” and those who may be in the minority that may be in earshot at the restaurant or office space or playground get to hear they have an ally they can trust to stand up for them. i think it’s vital. One of the areas where intolerance is actually a positive thing, as is peer pressure.
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