Deja-Who? A story of attempted murder. : Brett Fish

Wow. That is all. The Twitterer brought one to me today.

Here’s the story. This morning i am driving my mother-in-law to hospital and i see the woman in my read view mirror speaking on her phone while driving. i give her the polite “hey lady put your phone down” hand signal and she gestures angrily at me and carries on talking. 5km down the road after turning two 90 degree corners and she is still having a fat conversation on her phone i pull over to let her pass. Turns out she has an easy number plate to remember – Agent J9 – and she is driving a black VW. i don’t have time to take a photo and with my mother-in-law in the car with me i am a shade more gentle on her than might have been the case if i’d been alone, but she did get the International Friendly “Hey-i-see-you-talking-on-your-phone-and-you-should-stop-that-it’s-so-dangerous-and-illegal-and-your-mother” double flash of the brights [repeated, just in case she wasn’t super clear the first time]

i get home and sit at the computer to write a post i’ve been meaning to write forever about me and the twice times i could have caused an accident because of cellphone usage while driving [you’d think once would be enough to teach me, yeah?] which i’ve just never got round to writing. But first let me google “Agent J9” just to see what Google has for me. Could it be that she works for the Joost van der Westhuizen J9 foundation? Could be, but i couldn’t find anything that would help me close it down.

So i turn to Twitter on the off chance that Agent J9 has come up before. Bullseye. Turns out someone caught Agent J9 driving while talking on her phone on the 14th of March this year. So obviously a repeat offender. But do you know what the best part of the whole thing is? i KNOW the person who caught her and managed to capture a photo of her numberplate the previous time.

Anyone know driver of black VW “Agent J9” number plate driving while talking on phone on Sandown Rd earlier today? pic.twitter.com/CPkC6ii1hp

— Brett FISH Anderson (@BrettFishA) March 14, 2016

BECAUSE IT WAS ME!!!

In a world where i have maybe photographed three people ever for driving while speaking on their phones, J9 and i have a history.

Agent J9, i have a message from you from Headquarters. GET OFF THE PHONE!

You are a danger to yourself, to me, and to everyone else on the road.

If you have the money to buy yourself a personalised number plate but not to get a hands free kit, then you need to wait until you stop the car.

So that was a little surreal. And if anyone knows how i can track down J9 or what the link is to report her, then please let me know. Cos clearly it wasn’t a once off emergency. But i guess it could have been a twice-off emergency if you want to give her the benefit of the doubt.

BUT SERIOUSLY

However, i really did want to write this post. Because it is completely serious. And i think too many of us [and i include myself in this as a recovering drive-and-phone-a-holic] think it’s not a big deal and yet one split second of lost focus could end someone’s life and THAT. IS. NOT. WORTH. IT. Whatever your call is, it can wait. And even more so, your text message or Watsapp. Because that takes your attention off of the road as well. Unless you’re one of those weird both-directions-with-your-eyes-at-once-people but even then STOPPiT!

It’s just not worth it.

i had a huge scare over a year ago when i was texting [because i thought i was in control] and when i looked up [you know how quick a texter you are] i had veered over the solid line in the middle. No cars, so i got off for free. But that was irresonsible. Not quite to the level of attempted murder but probably quite close to the region of culpable homicide.

When it happened the second time a few months later [cos obviously i swore “NEVER AGAIN!” after the first time], fortunately not as serious as the first, i made a commitment to put my phone away while i’m driving.

And you’re probably reading this thinking, “Well i’m not an out of control jerk like you. When i do it i am TOTALLY in control and that has never happened to me.” And that may be true, but all it takes it for a dog to run out in front of you, or a young child, or for the car in front to break heavily, and that extra half second of distraction could cause an accident or worse.

It is selfish. It is neglectful. It is illegal. It is absolutely reprehensible. And we have to stop making excuses for ourselves.

It is so completely tempting [for me, at least, i imagine some people have no temptation at all] but now what i do is actually pull over to the side of the road if it’s urgent or else wait [or occasionally make use of a red traffic light if it’s a quick one]

i am in recovery. And Team Anderson is the most unforgiving if we see anyone on their phones while we are out driving – know that – you will hear the sound of our hooters [no Americaland, not that, horns] because it is not okay. Yes, you J9.

BE HONEST

A week ago a woman was talking on her phone behind me. i gave the friendly signal [i’m not being euphemistic here, it really is the sign of a phone being put down] and she typically responded with aggression, but i noticed a minute later she had moved to hands free. Problem sorted. That must be the only time ever that i have had a semi-favourable response to telling someone to get off their phone.

If you’re caught, at least have the decency to own up to it and stop. Typically it’s a middle finger or show of aggression like J9 this morning and then carry on doing it.

So please, from someone who has gotten off lightly, you know who you are. If this is something you’re guilty of then get a hands-free or make a commitment to keep your phone in your pocket or bag or something while driving so that the temptation doesn’t win.

For the safety of yourself and those driving with you. And for the safety of us all.

Although as bad as it is in its basic form, there are even more severe DON’T EVEN GO THERE versions of the drive while phoning:

Personal Groomage [female]