When did you get so old?

Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

Today, as i was driving home from a morning at the Big Box in Cape Town, i heard these lines on the radio.

It continued:

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have

i don’t think i’ve heard the song before and so different lines were jumping out at me and the song seemed to be about life.

About really living.

To the full.

So it got my attention.

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup

But this line was the one that really punched me in the face [in a good way!]

With every broken bone, I swear I lived

[All from the song ‘I lived’ by One Republic]

And it ends with this:

With every broken bone, I swear I lived
With every broken bone, I swear I

I, I did it all
I, I did it all

I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

So my question to you is…

When did you stop living and settle for existing?

Chances are that for many of you reading this, the question is not aimed at you.

You know, preaching to the choir and all that.

i know that because i hang out with a lot of people who embrace life to the full.

Who live to make a difference.

Who make so much of their lives count.

How they spend their time, money, energy, relationships…

SO WHAT HAPPENED?

But when i was young in years [i know, i know, long long ago in a galaxy not so far away]

EVERYONE was young.

We were all going to change the world.

We were the next generation that were going to do it.

Especially in the church where everyone else seemed to be old and tired and conservative and stuck to tradition.

[speaking as someone who loves being part of an anglican church now – nothing wrong with great tradition]

But then, along the way, it seems that for most of you life happened.

Most of you lost hope or faith or  belief that you could ever be part of something significant.

Or you had children and so suddenly game over? [Not true: i know plenty of people with children who are young!]

And the music was turned down.

But as for me and my house:

Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stay

i wish that back then i had been more aware of the political situation our country finds itself in…

Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have

i wish i had been more aware of the extent of the problem between black and white, between rich and poor…

Hope that you spend your days, but they all add up
And when that sun goes down, hope you raise your cup

i wish that had been in my sights and was one of the things i was pouring my energy into…

i came to this particular party a little late, but i’m here now

And i am not going to settle or go down without a fight

i want this to be true of me:

With every broken bone, I swear I lived
With every broken bone, I swear I

I, I did it all
I, I did it all

I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived

People ask me from time to time, how i manage to keep on, or stay so patient, or continue with what are sometimes frustrating conversations or blog posts or interactions…

The answer, i guess, is that those things prove in some small way that i have lived.

Not all broken bones are physical.

But hopefully every one shows that i have lived.

And will continue to.

Because i do not plan to give in to the number or the expectation or the downstream journeying of most of the fish.

i will definitely age. i do every day and you can see it in my hair or feel it in my back or witness it on the hockey field.

But i hope to never grow old.

How about you?

Will you risk some broken bones to really live?