Blessed are the cyclists…

i blame Duncan!

Best friends since High School… we’ll see after Sunday…

Which, if you didn’t know by now is the Argus Cycle Tour. i know, i know, it’s not officially sponsored by the Argus newspaper or called The Argus any more but for anyone who has done more than three of them, it’s The Argus. Until we die. Which may be Sunday… although hopefully not.

And i’ve done 16 of them i think. It might be 18 but i remember the number was a bit lower last year than i thought when i looked, so this might be number 17 if i finish. But quite possibly number 19 started because there were two years i didn’t finish.

In a time when my training for this year’s Argus literally consisted of riding last year’s Argus [as in i didn’t touch a bicycle until the following year’s race – we’re talking 109km here] i was taken down by two things:

# The year my buddy Craig decided to do a ten day fast and i joined him, not realising that day 10 was the day before the Argus. Turns out ten days of not eating and only drinking water is not the best preparation to add to your lack of any cycling at all, when tackling this race – i made it to St James i think then dialled 911 or my home number equivalent.

# The wind – i believe this was the year after my fast where the wind was so bad at the start that material advertising banners were being ripped, where after about 100m of cycling we all were forced to get off our bikes to walk across the one intersection because of the danger of everyone falling over. Where my dad was riding down suikerbossie behind a group of about 100 or so cyclists and suddenly the wind stopped and they all just fell over because of how much they had been working against it. And so on. Got to St James again and thought “this isn’t very much fun at all and hey i’ve done a bunch of them so screw this” or something and dialled home.

FAKE ARGUS

Then there was the pretend Argus i managed to finish two years ago after the fire and realised i would never be able to do the full Argus ever again.

Then Duncan somehow convinced me to do the full Argus this year.

WAIT, WHAT????

First Pepperpot: What’s that on the television then?

Second Pepperpot: Looks like a penguin.

First Pepperpot: No, no, no, I didn’t mean what’s on the television set, I meant what programme?

Second Pepperpot: Oh.

First Pepperpot: It’s funny that penguin being there innit? What’s it doing there?

Second Pepperpot: Standing.

First Pepperpot: I can see that!

Second Pepperpot: If it lays an egg, it will fall down the back of the television set.

First Pepperpot: We’ll have to watch that. Unless it’s a male.

Second Pepperpot: Ooh, I never thought of that.

First Pepperpot: Yes, looks fairly butch.

Second Pepperpot: Per’aps it’s from next door.

First Pepperpot: Penguins don’t come from next door, they come from the Antarctic.

Second Pepperpot: Burma.

First Pepperpot: Why did you say Burma?

Second Pepperpot: I panicked.

All that hilariously random Monty Python skit lyric just to say that somehow i panic’d…

WHY I MIGHT ACTUALLY FINISH

All is not lost though. i wouldn’t be attempting this if at least some small part of me didn’t believe it was technically possible – i really do believe there is some kind of chance that i will finish [of course Duncan is convinced!]

We have done training rides – two 32km ones, one in big wind – plus a couple of less official get-the-bum-acquainted-with-the-bicycle-saddle ones as well.

We will be riding in a group – i was telling someone yesterday this race would be impossible for me in this context without the vibe of having other people suffer alongside or near you – the group we have going is a fun and generous group and even let me stop for coffee slash breakfast – and paid for it – while they made their 32km training ride into a 50 plus training one [let’s just say the odds on them all finishing are forever in their favour!]

i will be wearing fish nets again. Although this year we will be trying the sunscreen approach so that we don’t have a three month fish net burntan to remind us of the race after the race… but Duncan [first time] and Warren [second] will be accompanying me on that with the underlying motivation being when i hit the bottom of Suikerbossie and it is lined with beer drinking heavyset men on both sides of the hill there is NO WAY I AM GOING TO STOP WHILE WEARING FISH NETS… so it’s a mind game…

And this morning my friend Alexa who is on the route offered to switch out my water bottle for a frozen one…

This year the fish nets are black and if you want to see me making it to the end of this year’s Argus you should maybe consider setting up camp somewhere along the route, keeping an eye out for the black fish nets and throwing pieces of bacon at my mouth…

What do you think? If you were a betting person, think i have a chance this time round?