How do you grow or lose character? It took two moments on our recent Kruger trip to find out.
Character and integrity are often found and lost in what may seem to be the small moments.
Breaking Point
It was the last night of our recent trip to the Kruger National Animal Park. We had decided that we would enjoy our final meal at the restaurant so we didn’t have to bother with making a fire and a meal and cleaning up after a long [and incredible] last day in the car.
The restaurant was right next to the typical Kruger tourist shop that sold all the t-shirt and mugs and gifts for people back home. While Val and her dad went to go find a table [and spot a distant rhino on the horison which completed their Big 5 viewing for the day] i ducked into the shop to get something small for my mom.
i saw a fridge magnet that i thought she might like and as i reached for it, my hand must have brushed another one which promptly fell off the wall and broke into two pieces. i immediately swooped down and grabbed both pieces in my hand and kind of froze in disgust and disappointment. A quick scan of the area around me let me know no-one had seen what happened and so i subtly deposited the pieces on a nearby shelf and grabbed my magnet and went to go and pay for it.
And went to the restaurant to join Val and Shane for the meal.
The thing about character or integrity is that you can lose it or damage it in a quick moment just like that. But if no-one else witnesses it, then is it possible that it’s only something you have to deal with in your head. Have you really lost integrity if no-one else saw anything?
A late save
Turns out there are a lot of good quotes about Integrity. C.S. Lewis gives perhaps one of the most well-known ones when he writes: Integrity is doing the right thing, even if no-one is watching.
While fear or perhaps embarrassment at my actions had allowed me to so quickly act in a way that doesn’t feel consistent with my values at all, there was fortunately something still at play. The inward voice reminding me who i am and not who i like to think i am or maybe look like i am.
At that point, i believe i would have gotten away with it. And i imagine within a day or two having told myself that “It wasn’t a big deal!” i would have likely forgotten about it and just carried on with life, going back to believing i am the person i like to think i am. Maybe brought the incident out as a ‘fun story’ at some other family gathering or ‘Remember that time when…’ moment.
Fortunately, something inside of me refused to believe that is who i am. Even, and maybe especially, when no-one is watching. While we were waiting for the food i excused myself and rushed back into the shop, found the pieces and nervously stood in line, ready to out myself and receive whatever was coming [an angry look, having to pay for a broken magnet].
Turns out the cashier seemed a little surprised but didn’t make a big deal of it and didn’t even make me pay which i had offered to do. Seems like character and integrity are aspects of our person that can both grow and be shattered whether anyone else knows about it or not.
Which brings me to another great quote i read as i was writing this piece: Success without Integrity is Failure! [anonymous]
Dr Steve Maraboli says it another way: The Truth of your Character is expressed through the Choice of your Actions.
i love to think of myself as the guy who returns the broken magnet and owns up to his mistake. But the truth is, i am ALSO the guy who breaks the magnet and tries to hide it and pretend it didn’t happen.
i want to be thought of, i guess, as the guy who does the race work, who reaches out to connect with someone who might be going through a hard time and feeling a bit cut off from people; the one who encourages and challenges people to be their best selves; the one who volunteers with kids in schools who are not given the same kind of focus and attention as other schools.
But i am also the guy who struggles to not lose it verbally on the hockey field making sound effects in the ref’s direction more than likely to cover for my lack of fitness and skill; i am also the guy who doesn’t do so well emotionally when other people win a game; the guy who chooses to be right quicker than he chooses to love; and i am the guy who breaks a magnet in a shop and hides it for fear of being caught out.
The well-known parable of the two wolves raging inside of you comes into play. The one which wins will be the one you feed the most. And so an interruption of the wolf who whispers: Just scoop it up and put it on the shelf and no-one has to ever know, is a step in the right direction. It’s a step towards character and integrity. And hopefully accompanied by a commitment to do better quicker next time.
i do want to do better. i do want to be better. But there needs to be a built-up consistency in actions and words that play out the values i say i believe and hold to. i see that Kruger moment as both a failure and a victory and fortunately the little victory is the defining moment of that particular tussle. But becoming the person that doesn’t need to go back and repair the wrong action is where the work needs to be.
I applaud you for your great integrity and honesty. You did the right thing. What you are witnessing is synchronicity, like when your car odometer hits 77777, then you know you are on the right path with God. The path of a righteoius man. When you see a broken Zebra, it signifies that there is a lot of tragedy for these animals. If you are enjoying watching the animals, yet you eat them, it is also significant in a way. Almost as if a message were being sent to you. That we should respect animals more and refrain from watching them with enjoyment and then eating them. Such messages are often confirmation from God Himself. Keep doing what is right and try to move away from consuming meat. God never allowed it. Jesus explicitly said “Thou shalt not kill”. Jesus never ate meat. He did eat fish it seems, but we are not sure. Abstain from meat as it no the animals will to die for you. Are you an animal that must eat meat? A truly spiritual being will not eat meat. It causes opacity not clarity of communion with the Lord.
Respect the animals and you too shall be respected. It is understandable that people were eating meat in those old days of Jewish tribes, but in todays day and age, there are many alternatives and supplements. You have no excuse but your taste buds. You know it is true. I know it is true. My apologies for being a meat basher but that broken ornament of an animal is a message to you!
Well, we don’t know explicitly that Jesus did or did not eat red meat. But we do know that He prepared a fish braai for His disciples on the beach. So the assumption is that He ate fish and He preached about the things that make us unclean being what comes from within and not what we eat or put into our bodies so there is something to reflect on there. But yes, we need to definitely be asking the questions because an honest reading of the
bible seems to indicate that permission to eat meat happened after the flood [Noah] as a kind of compromise more than God’s opening plan. So definitely worth not taking lightly and inviting God to lead us in what we can and cannot do…
Interesting discussion. I think in Genesis we were to take care of the earth. Fruit trees were given for us to eat. There was no mention of meat eating in there I do not think? Regarding Noah and the flood, if only 2 animals were on the Ark, then it would have taken maybe a few years before these multiplied to many? Maybe it was allowed for a small time.
I don’t think its so much impurity as Brett speaks of , the Bible says we impure by our mouths and actions. Not what we eat. But surely it is a good idea morally to go off this? We used to own a smallholding and even chickens are very clever and goats and sheep even more so. Like a dog or pig has the same intelligence. So we judge Chinese for eating dogs, but we should also look at ourselves. Is it not the same? One who chooses to eat meat must do the killing themselves .
Some say the fear hormones is transmitted to the eater.
They do have intelligence and they feel fear and pain. I cannot eat them knowing that maybe I am responsible for its pain, however small.Then they breed more and more are killed. Its not to mention bad for environment. An acre for a few pigs or an acre of fruit, vegetables and other goodness.
The only thing to consider is iron, especially for women. But there are many iron supplements now.
So ek is ook vegetarian. I keep chickens but eat the eggs only. I feed them grains in return and they eat bugs and stuff on the plot. As for vegan, I think its a bit far fetched.
How did they know that God told noah its okay? With a broken ornament maybe? We need to listen more.
In the story that has been passed down there was direct mention of it in the covenant God makes with Noah after the flood in Genesis 9: 3 Everything that lives and moves about will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.
You raise some great points Jan, but i would say even you need to continue to challenge your thinking as far as you have a strong case for vegetarian but against vegan. These really are things we need to continue wrestling with and not assume that our ways are best and right or even okay. Thanks for stopping by!
I only eat eggs from free range farm chickens which I also feed. So its not harming them. The milk I get from exchanging eggs and vegetables from a farm 2 farms away from us. So I do not cause any pain for any animal. If one eats them, they still get pain pain during slaughtering right? So I have wrestled with it and as long as I do not harm, I am okay. As for Genesis, its very vague and the Bible includes many books like its okay to stone people to death on Sundays if they disobey the rules. So to be taken with a pinch of salt. I am glad you are at least trying, its a long road, but well worth it. Thanks for the engagement.