so i found out yesterday for sure sure that jack handey is a real person – for years i was one (of many apparently – thankx wrinklypedia) who suspected he might not be an actual person but a collective grouping of like minded humourous quote writing peoples quotes

anyways i am sure a lot of you have never heard of him and so i decided to post some of my favourite jack handey deep thorts that are completely random which is one of my favourite types of humour – you’ll either ‘get it’ or you won’t – it’s okay either way, we can’t all have higher grade senses of humus:

It’s too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs.

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that’s like a regular window.

Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared.

One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn’t know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.

I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best. We called him Uncle Cave Man because he lived in a cave and because sometimes he’d eat one of us. Later on we found out he was a bear.

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then when somebody comes up act like they just woke up and go, “What was THAT?!”

I saw on this nature show how the male elk douses himself with urine to smell sweeter to the opposite sex. What a coincidence!

[For more hilarious Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, click here]