continuing with the HOW FAR IS TOO FAR question…

finished the first part by saying this:

So THE QUESTION you frame will sound a lot more like this – HOW CAN I LOVE AND RESPECT THIS PERSON i am in a relationship with to the extent that if the dating relationship ever ends, he/she does not walk away with A WHOLE LOT OF BAGGAGE [physically, emotionally…] and HOW MUCH CAN I SAVE OF MYSELF AND KEEP SPECIAL for the person who i am going to end up marrying?

and HERE ARE SOME PRINCIPLES that should help you deal with this in a POSITIVE AND HEALTHY way:

[1] DECIDE ON THE BOUNDARIES BEFORE YOU NEED TO – if you are sitting in a darkened room with your girlfriend on the couch at 11pm on a Saturday evening and there is no one else at home, then the moment things start progressing physically is not the best time to start thinking about what your boundaries are – it’s NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. So come up with a plan and discuss it with your person BEFORE you get into the situation, so that WHEN THE SITUATION OCCURS the boundaries are already in place and it will be easier to slow things down or stop them completely.

[2] ERR ON THE SIDE OF SAFE – as i mentioned before if you are playing right on the edge of the cliff then you are only ONE BAD MOVE AWAY from falling over. So when it comes to what physical stuff you and your person are happy with, rather err on the side of less. As a married man, i can promise you that i NEVER LOOK BACK at past relationships i had AND WISH I HAD GONE FURTHER with any of the girls. Rather when meeting and dating and eventually marrying Val, i wish that i had done less. I was her first boyfriend and so i know i was not able to offer her the same purity that she offered me. So DO LESS! Take more time to get to know each other and enjoy each other as people, and less time in darkened rooms making out. [There is lots of time for that later, Mmm…]

[3] HAVE GOOD ACCOUNTABILITY – Proverbs 27.6 says “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” And what this means is if you have someone in your life who you know loves you and cares about you, then even their words of caution or rebuke can be trusted (because it will be done in love) whereas people who just say “Yes!” to everything you do or want to do, are really acting as enemies to you. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH SOME GODLY PEOPLE who will not be afraid to SPEAK TRUTH in your life. For guys, have a guy and for girls, have a girl who you can speak to about your relationship stuff, about the struggles and temptations [especially in this area of physical stuff] and who will check in on you and be praying for you and loving you back to health if you ever do mess up.

This is one of the areas that takes down Jesus-following people MORE THAN MOST OTHERS. Largely because of THE GUILT AND CONDEMNATION that comes to visit when you get it wrong. We know that in Jesus there is no condemnation – there is GRACE AND FORGIVENESS and a second chance. But WHY EVEN GO THAT ROUTE? MAKE GREAT CHOICES FROM THE BEGINNING and you won’t even have to go down that road.

It STARTS WITH ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTION – and HOW FAR IS TOO FAR? is not that question.

HOW CAN I LOVE AND RESPECT THIS PERSON i am in a relationship with to the extent that if the dating relationship ever ends, he/she does not walk away with A WHOLE LOT OF BAGGAGE [physically, emotionally…] and HOW MUCH CAN I SAVE OF MYSELF AND KEEP SPECIAL for the person who i am going to end up marrying?

[to continue to part III click here]