so the other day i am on one of the bizarrest [so bizarre in fact, english grammar policers, that it took ‘most bizarre’ to another level] phone conversations at work that i have ever been on, which basically ends with this old couple [him speaking, her in the background] letting me know emphatically that the appropriate number of times for one to have read the bible through from beginning to end is somewhere >30 [“I lost count at 30” being the background ladys enthusiastic response to my rather feeble, “um, i don’t know, 5 or 6 maybe?”]
felt a little like something along the lines of “No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition… amongst out weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, a ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the thirty fold reading of the word, i’ll come in again…” [especially when my office mate passed me a piece of paper with the title of that sketch on it]
but the finale moment was a classic as the old man commented on the fact that i must be from somewhere else because of my accent:
OLD MAN: I notice you have a different accent. You from England?
Me: South Africa.
OLD MAN: [excitedly] REALLY? What country?
Me: [holding back a year’s supply of sarcasm] South Africa.
i would love to hear your similar ‘the country of Africa’ stories…
[For the answer to the ‘Where are all the African Americans hiding?” question, click here]
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I book in an American client at the resort Im working at in Vermont, USA. We have a fairly prolonged conversation about the resort, the snow forecast, how busy the ski slopes are etc. The next day he checks in and asks my manager to send his compliments to “that really nice Irish guy who spoke to him on the phone”. True story
I was once told that i cant be from south africa because i am not black. I promptly showed them my passport and a picture of my pet lion (this happened in a backpackers in Dublin). We actually became email buddies for a while afterwards.
In all fairness, the dude on the phone probably didn’t hear the “south” of south africa which would make sense in asking which country.
kay. bye.
Here is one from when I arrived in ’99. In CA – Girl from New Hampshire at a church we were visiting for the first time:
NH: Where are you from?
Me: South Africa
NH: Where is South Africa?
Me: Southern most country in the continent of Africa
NH: Continent? I thought Africa was another state in America.
Me: ??
So, I was Facebooking with a lovely American
lady at one stage and she mentioned that her
friend was coming to Africa and since I am
South African, I should meet her and show her
around a bit. I asked her where her friend was
going as Africa has many countries. ‘Oh’ she
says: ‘Kenya.
Also, I am asked on a weekly basis how long I have been here and whether I am enjoying my stay. (In response to another Facebook comment. I share your pain.)
Lots of examples of this in my life…but also had an Argentinian argue with me that I couldn’t be from Africa since I wasn’t black, have had South Africans ask my friends from Brazil if they knew their friend in Chile, and a Japanese friend ask about a visa for Africa etc etc. So this is fun and very much tongue in cheek but I do think we, especially us South Africans who generally don’t know our Liberia from Mali and treat most of Africa as one country, need to be careful of that fuzzy line where fun becomes mockery. People in glass houses…
i always get…”but you’re white”….because Africa only has black people in it…
I was speaking to a really lovely American girl
yesterday and she was harping on about how
amazing it is that her president is black. I
mentioned that mine is too and she was totally
flabbergasted! Apparently Africa has only had
white presidents up until now.
oh my gosh, I have thousands of these.. my favorite tho…
Girl: so where in South Africa are you from?
(PAUSE: I could tell she was confused, so I wanted to help her ouy)
Me: Just so you know, South Africa is a country in Africa.
Girl: Oh, yeah I knew that. (I totally didn’t believe her)
Me: okay well I am from Durban in South Africa.
[2 minutes later in the conversation about South Africa]
Girl: So are you close to Brazil and Chile and those countries??
Me: -__-
[The End]
These are all legit experiences:
When we first got there, a lot of people kept asking if we had bought our whole wardrobe from the airport cos they didn’t think we had clothes in Africa.
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“you have an accent, where are you from?”
“south Africa”
“oh which country?”
“south Africa”
“yea but which country?”
“south Africa!”
“yea, but like chile, brazil?”
“Africa! Africa! Not south America”
” oh word? …” then came questions about pet lions and such…
=========
“you’re from Africa? How come you’re not like really black?” I get all irritated cos I assume he’s calling me a coconut. Turns out he meant my skin is not dark enough to be proper African. He freaked out when he found out that there were white people in Africa.
=========
A couple of weeks before we came back to SA my little brother came home from school crying because he didn’t want to move to Africa. His teacher had literally told him that people in Africa don’t have clothes, or shoes, or food, and lions chase them around all day. She also told him that as an American citizen he has rights and he doesn’t have to move to Africa if he doesn’t want to.
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Disclaimer: I realise that not all Americans are ignorant. And i agree with Craig on the whole Saffas vs rest of Africa attitude. Also, i legitly miss America.
you made tbV laugh out in an out loudy kind of way – wow, so much! thankx for sharing!
🙂
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