MY JOURNEY TO SINGLENESS
Some of you might already be trying to work out what my title really means; but it is as it says it is, my journey to singleness. I have a reached a point in my life where I am pretty happy about being single. This has not been an overnight destination and I must admit that there are times that I wish I could be married, but for most of the time I am happy as to where I am.
My name is Dale Nunes and this is my story and I hope it will be an encouragement to many of you reading this.
Growing up I was rather scared of the opposite sex and often avoided them, especially during my school life. I went to an all-boys school and I remember the first time I asked a girl out and she said yes. Man I was excited and very much afraid all at the same time. Well our relationship lasted about 6 months and in that time we went to the movies once, she came to my place once, and I went to her place once. What I had back then was more of a status than a relationship. Wow, that sounds a lot like Facebook, many people have a status but do they have a relationship?
Well, I was about to embark on a journey which would lead to more status changes, than any real relationship. After that first break-up I thought I would never get another girlfriend again. You guessed it, I did, I had a few very short lived relationships, ranging from 24hours (Ya, one lasted that short) to about 3 months. Again, looking back these were more of a status than a real relationship. I wanted to ‘have a girlfriend’. Over a number of years I had various status changes, but no real relationship. Looking back, none of these people would have been a suitable partner for me, don’t get me wrong, they were great people, but not right for me. Then there came a time in my life where I remained single for a few years, but was really longing for a new girlfriend.
I then moved to Cape Town and was still single for a while longer, having one more short relationship which now really frustrated me. I was getting fed up with these short lived relationships, I wanted a girlfriend – which was fast becoming – I want a wife. Again a new status which I was after. I started internet dating, hoping to find someone in this way. I did, we went out for a good while and I was really enjoying this new status of having a long term relationship, the only problem was that our relationship was not deepening or going anywhere and ended. Again fed up with the status of being single turned once more to internet dating to see if anyone else was out there. Well, this one girl whom I had made friends with about 2 years Earlier was also looking for someone. (We had met each other over the internet). We started chatting more and more and eventually met up and decided that we would date.
Things were really starting to look up, we were very comfortable with each other and felt that we were the right people to be with. I then decided after a short time (about 3 months) that it was time to move our relationship on, to ask her to marry me. I spoke to her about it and she was extremely excited, I then said I would speak to her parents about it before buying a ring – we still went to look at some anyway. Then came the day of asking the parents. And well, I am not go into the details, but things did not go as I was hoping. I asked the dad who said yes, but the mom was not happy and was pretty much against me from then on. My girlfriend at the time also became more distant. It ended.
So, I was once again on the status of being single. Actually this status is not bad at all, I am enjoying not having someone around. In fact the next status that I have must be a permanent one, and so I am no longer living the status of being single, but rather living the single life, putting God in front of it all and trusting Him to help me find the right one, not the next status. Let me finish with this little bit of advice to anyone reading this; mainly to all the single people – don’t go out looking to find a girlfriend/boyfriend just so that you have a new status. Don’t get a new girlfriend/boyfriend just so that you can be ‘cool’ like everyone else. My advice is to wait until you meet the right person and then go for it. Now, I just want to clear up something here – I am not saying stay single until you meet the right person. In my opinion, the way you find out if a person is suited to you or not is to date them, just make sure you are not dating them just to have a status update.
Well, that is about it from me, stay connected and remember that above all singleness is not a bad status to have.
[…] to read the story of my friend and possibly brother-in-law Dale Nunes [his brother married my sister… […]
hey Dale
Cool man, thankx so much for sharing. I know my example may not be the best one to give out, but I think it changes when you are much older and know what you want a lot more, or maybe what you can handle… but if i would add anything to your story, i would say, for the most part, take your time – three months into a relationship [especially one where you met online and so didn’t have a history of friendship with the person] most relationships are still super fun and datey and so for the most part it is good wisdom to be friending or dating for a lengthy time so that you get to see how you guys handle conflict [huge one in marriage we are still figuring out three years in] and how they treat their family and your friends… so i would say [unless you are old like me] that a year is probably minimum in terms of really spending some time getting to know them both just you and them and also in groups and different settings… also, don’t put too much pressure on yourself with ‘the next one must by the one’ – it helped me after the girlfriend i had before Valerie came along to get to a point of ‘okay looks like i’m single for life’ to discover the one [which was fairly soon after i think] so i get that you’re not wanting to have a whole bunch more dating relationships and that’s great but you don’t want to find yourself in a situation where you are dating someone and there are all sorts of warning signs going off telling you she’s not the one but you made a statement of next one is the one so you stick with it and marry the wrong person… the marriage thing is for ever and so you really want to do everything you can do to figure out as best you can if that person is right for you…
all the best – i think Godly contentment with your current situation [single, dating, or married] is a huge great thing
love b
“singleness is not a bad status to have”. I really like that. I need to remind myself of that more often!
Hi Dale so did your Status finally change seeing that you wrote your article in 2012
Hi Nelia. My status is still the same – still single. I sometimes struggle with why God allows us to develop emotions and feelings for people and only to end up with disappointments (Something I am wrestling with at the moment, I have gotten to know a certain lovely lady very well and although we have spoken – she would rather us remain friends – I am ok with this as we have a great friendship – but why then do we develop these feelings if they are not reciprocated?). But I still make sure I draw close to God, and find that He still loves me no matter what. It would be great to be able to change my status away from single, but that is in God’s time. Thanks for checking up on me.