[Disclaimer: while in Americaland, the term “coloured” is a strongly negative term, in South Africa there is a unique group of people who have come from a heritage of different cultures but now have developed their own distinct culture. They are neither black nor white, nor are they mixed race, and they would call themselves ‘coloured’.]
We’re no different than any other couple.
Well, we are. Roxanne is from South Africa and colo(u)red and Greg is from America and white. The biggest differences we see between the two of us are our height and the fact that we spell words differently. So for this article, as we are writing it together, we will overcome inter-racial issues by spelling words both ways.
Recently, we were at a wedding where Roxanne introduced Greg to someone as her fiancé. This (white) man looked at her and then looks at him and the following conversation transpires:
Him: “Aren’t you colo(u)red?”
Rox: “Yes”
Him: “Don’t your parents mind?”
Rox: “Not at all”
Him: “Well, well done on you guys being progressive.”
Rox: “um… thanks?”
Thankfully, we don’t often have conversations like that but unfortunately there are still many people who think it is “progressive” for people to date cross-culturally.
We don’t.
One of Greg’s pet peeves is when someone says that Rox is “marrying up” as if the colo(u)r of his skin makes him a better person. He obviously feels that’s a load of horse manure.
Occasionally, we see someone do a double take in the mall, or someone asks an ignorant question, but actually, because we accept each other it doesn’t really matter whether strangers accept us or not.
We met, we fell in love. We have decided to get married. The fact that we are different colo(u)rs has not affected us in the least. Actually, our oddness is so similar that it makes our cultural differences (which truthfully aren’t huge anyway) seem even less. And our families love each of us individually and as a couple – why should race stop us from loving each other?
Yes, we have occasional disagreements but generally those are to do with us both being human beings more than the colo(u)rs of our skin.
While planning our wedding there have been a few cultural differences but those have been fun to discover. We will now have an American rehearsal dinner and a Colo(u)red catered reception – keeps everyone happy and celebrates both our heritages.
We love God. We love each other. And we love being able to celebrate being different with one another.
[For other conversations on all different aspects of Race-related things, click here]
[…] Meet Roxanne Rhoda and Gregory Jewell [engaged] who wrote this together […]
AW Rox and Greg, we love you guys (and love your spelling!) and love the Zebra in the photo and praying that your wedding day is magical! Thanks for sharing your story with everyone! 🙂 I think its so important to share about this topic, because there are others in the same boat, and it’s a great feeling to realize that you’re not alone. So thanks for sharing! 🙂 xx steph and david
Thanks Steph, absolutely agree and especially hope that others in a similiar boat who might be reading this will be super amped to share their stories here as well [brettfish@hotmail.com]
do it!
love brett fish
Coloured! Nice, I personally just like “brown” as a half-Mexican half-Filipino. I mischievously anticipate the day of making improper-fraction babies (at the appropriate time, of course).
And you have probably seen National Geographic’s “The Changing Face of America” gallery?
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2013/10/changing-faces/schoeller-photography
Thankx Jay, yes it’s a complicated conversation trying to explain inoffensive South African ‘coloured’ to Americans where it is a strong racial slur… i will stick to trying to explain why South African mayonnaise is so much better – i have seen that gallery but thankx for the link and really loved the diversity it shows – can’t wait for the day when ‘what colour/race/culture’ is impossible to ask and answer correctly cos of all the fractioning you and others are doing… [we’ll no doubt find something new to fixate on, sigh!]