Are you even kidding me? Is that really their logo.?

And if it really is true that ‘Tomorrow starts today’, don’t you think it would be the littlest bit gentlemanly to add the bit about ‘oh and just in case you weren’t aware Today starts three months from Wednesday’?

If i sound a little bit angry and frustrated, it’s just because i’m toning down the anger and frustration a whole lot.

Since end 2015 i have physically visited the Telkom store [2 stores] at least nine times, i have spoken to countless different stupid unhelpful people on the phones and today i asked to speak to a supervisor and was told [after a ten minute wait of course] that she was busy on a call and would phone me back [she hasn’t!]

phone

But do you know what the worst best part is? i am pretty convinced that the solution to my problem is someone clicking a mouse key once.

Like literally that. Okay there may be a bit of scrolling around on a computer screen to find the right page and settings and prepare for the fix, but the fix itself cannot be more than ONE MOUSE CLICK.

mouse

Forget rocket science, people, this isn’t even the common ordinary brand of just plain normal people science even.

Let me break it down for you. tbV and i are on a 20 gigs per month contract with Telkom but it is proving to not be enough and so we have asked them like a billion times repeatedly to upgrade us to the 50 gig contract.

i imagine to myself on lonely sad days like this one, a page with four blocks on it, that say 10 gigs [block] 20 gigs [block] 50 gigs [block] 100 gigs [block]

Someone with a brain has to move the mouse cursor until it is hovering over the 50 gigs block and then click.

THAT. IS. IT.

No reprogramming. No hardware or software shifting. No person from one department getting hold of person from other department. No signatures. No presidential permissions. Literally one mouse click to end my woes and numerous visits and help give us the internet we need [before it runs out in about five days time].

On Monday i was told ‘three business days and it will be sorted, if not give them a call.’ i phoned them today and the lady on the line [Mandy!] tried to convince me that 48 to 72 hours meant working hours and so 3 to 9 business days as is standard procedure. i asked to speak to her supervisor. i’m still waiting.

THE MONKEYS TYPING SHAKESPEARE SCENARIO

The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare. [Wikipedia]

tbv suggested the other day that surely, by accident, one time, the person sitting behind the Telkom desk in the store would inadvertently help someone. Completely by mistake. But one time, surely eventually that will happen, right? You’d think so.

But after standing in a long long line on Monday, i didn’t witness a single person ahead of me or besides me [when i finally got served – yes, as in ‘You got served’ cos that’s what it feels like] where it felt like they’d been helped [even by accident]. The dad next to me who had waited an eternity a whole year to try get an ADSL line and still seemed no closer being a prime example.

All this to say, if you’re reading this and you work at Telkom, or you know someone that works as Telkom, or your gran plays bridge against the mom of the CEO of the Cape Town Board of Telkom Executives Golfing Society [cos i imagine they must spend their time doing something when they’re not coming close to fixing my issue] PLEASE, for the love of melted chocolate, convince them with everything you have, to sneak into the Telkom Store and find that screen and push that button.

The fate of the world That would really be appreciated.

Please don’t leave me like this guy…

soccer