‘One day there were two boys, Tom and Bernard. Tom lived right opposite Bernard. One day Tom stole Bernard’s bicycle and every day Bernard saw Tom cycling to school on it. After a year, Tom went up to Bernard, stretched out his hand and said, “Let us reconcile and put the past behind us.”

Bernard looked at Tom’s hand. “And what about the bicycle?”

Father Mxolisi Mpambani told this story during a lunch-hour panel discussion on the subject of reconciliation at the University of Cape Town, organised jointly by the Truth Commission and the Department of African studies.

In an interview after refusing to forgive Dirk Coetzee for killing and ‘braaing’ her son, Mrs Klondile says: “It is easy for Mandela and Tutu to forgive… they lead vindicated lives. In my life, not a single thing, has changed since my son was burnt by barbarians… nothing. Therefore I cannot forgive.”‘ 

and a little later:

The dictionary definitions of ‘reconciliation’ have an underlay of restoration, of re-establishing things in their original state. The Oxford says: to make friendly after an estrangement; make reisgned; harmonise; make compatible; able to coexist.

But in this country there is nothing to go back to, no previous state or relationship one would wish to restore. In these stark circumstances, ‘reconciliation’ does not even seem like the right word, but rather ‘conciliation’. 

and even later:

‘Before the ceremony [Reconciliation Graduation ceremony Thabo Mbeki had been invited to speak at] Mbeki’s speech on the subject of reconciliation was distributed to the media. But when the time came he took out a totally different set of notes about the achievements of his recent European visit, and so the speech on reconciliation was never delivered. However, it contains three illuminating paragraphs. Where reconciliation for Tutu is the beginning of a transformative process [one must be able to transcend one’s selfish inclinations before one can transform oneself and one’s society] – for Mbeki, reconciliation is a step that can follow only after total transformation has taken place.

‘What are the essential building blocks for the construction of true reconciliation? … Replacing Apartheid with democracy – real reconciliation cannot be achieved without a thorough transformation and democratisation process.’

He returns to this thought later in the speech: ‘The point we have sought to make this evening, is that given the history of our country, true reconciliation can only take place if we succeed in our objective of social transformation. Reconciliation and transformation should be viewed as an interdependent part of one unique process of building a new society.’

Mbeki is clear on what he regards as transformation. He quotes Chief Albert Luthuli: ‘There remains before us the building of a new land… a synthesis of the rich cultural strains which we have inherited… It will not necessarily be all black, but it will be African.’ 

And finally this piece:

‘Reconciliation will only take place, as far as Nozipho January-Bardill is concerned, the day whites also feel offended by racism, instead of feeling sorry for blacks.’

[From Chapter 10 – Reconciliation: The Lesser of Two Evils of Antjie Krog’s must read ‘Country of my Skull’]