“You can be anything you want to be!” is a lie some parents tell their children.
Take a member of the Proteas cricket team for example. There are 11 players on a team. So the moment the 12th enthusiastic parent tells their child, “You can be a member of the Proteas cricket team if you want to be”, something has gone wrong, unless they quickly add, “as twelfth man, serving them drinks”.
Because some things are impossible. Your tiny little petite girl child is not going to be a Sumo wrestler.
Well, unless she grabs a suit. But not a real one.
Some things are unlikely. Because of the challenges faced by a young child growing up in a South African township, it is less likely that she will become a doctor than someone who grows up in the suburbs. Possible, but less likely.
MY WIFE, THE PLANT KILLER
My wife Valerie [aka tbV] use to say this about herself. Whenever plants became the topic of conversation she would talk about the time she literally managed to kill a cactus. One that is meant to thrive in adverse conditions.
When i am thirsty, i grab a glass of cold water from the fridge. Which we keep mint in to make it that extra bit refreshing. The other day i harvested about twenty beans off our bean plant. We’ve had ample lettuce for our salads. It has been the most exciting watching bell peppers grow from nothing into big fat green juicy looking bell peppers before our eyes.
The point being that Val doesn’t get to say she is a plant killer any more. She has more than proved her worth. Oh and also, earlier this year, she wrote this:
My theme for this year was, “Space for life to thrive”. In work, exercise, food, home, finances and relationships, I have been seeking to carve out temporal, emotional, structural and spiritual space for life to thrive (for me and others). At the beginning of the year I didn’t envisage this would include literally creating physical space for food to grow. Just harvested our first chillis and am levelling up my gardening skills to start bell peppers.
Yup, she made enough for a chili hashtag as well and we have at least twenty more of these outside the kitchen window, staring back at us each day.
To a large extent, i think when Val saw herself as a plant killer, she wasn’t super motivated to make plants happen because it felt like a fruitless thing. Although to her credit she didn’t give up. But the moment she started seeing that it was possible, she lost the language and label of “plant killer” and started to tell herself and others that she can actually do this thing.
Those peppers really do need to be seen close up to be believed.
SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE?
i think language carries a lot of weight. Having just celebrated a birthday, i can’t tell you how much i was inspired, encouraged, built up and made to believe in myself as a result of some of the messages i received. i’m not talking about the “Happy Birthday” and that’s it. It’s great that someone made some effort but when you get a 100 “Happy Birthday” messages that’s okay, but it’s fluff.
The moment someone takes that extra moment to say one thing positive about me or my writing or my stance on things or my willingness to challenge the way things are in pursuit of truth or… or… or… then the message comes alive. My friend Heidi sent me probably the cheesiest message of all… but it was her and her two children lip synching a terrible video song… and it was ONE OF MY FAVOURITE MESSAGES OF ALL… because it sent the message, “You’re important. You’re worth my time. You are worth me making an idiot of myself.” And that made it special.
Another one that stands out [and there really were a lot of amazing ones] was from my friend Bruce Collins on Instagram. Bruce is one of my favourite people in life and i could see that he took some time and energy and put some effort in [knowing how busy he is] to create such an inspiring head-swelling picture and quote, that it deeply touched me. Some voice messages, some videos and a few people who supported me at my Improv show, were all life-giving words [and actions] that deeply impacted me.
So let’s not lie to our children or friends with impossibilities. But let’s also not discourage them from improbabilities if that is what they have set their heart on. We need to find the line of real and loving and encouraging and possible… and above all, we need to speak life.
# SPEAK LIFE TO YOURSELF: Not in the way of giving yourself a big head or thinking you are more important or talented than you are. But in terms of acknowledging your identity [as an individual, as a family member, as a part of the various communities you are part of] and potential and in terms of encouraging yourself to do the things you have set out to do.
# SPEAK LIFE TO OTHERS: The Bible encourages us to ‘Serve one another in love’ and it also talks about ‘Speaking the Truth in Love’. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Who are the people in your life you need to be encouraging, spurring on, speaking life to? Is it family? Is it friends? Is it people in your community? Is it a work colleague?
But also look out for those who might not be as likely, but may actually need it more than others. The marginalised, the lonely, the pushed-to-the-side, the ignored. Sometimes a huge boost of life can come from simply having someone look you in the eyes and communicate the message, “I see you!”
# KEEP OTHERS CLOSE WHO WILL SPEAK LIFE TO YOU: Don’t get me wrong on this one. i am NOT talking about surrounding yourself with “Yes, people” – that does no good to anyone – people who will always agree with you, always affirm you and always back you up even if they know you are making a bad decision. That is not life. i’m talking about people who will recognise the good and potential they see in you and speak it out to spur you on. But also be able to speak harder truths [in love] when the time is right.
Too many people though are surrounded only by people who speak negativity into their lives. Sadly, for a lot of people, this can be parents or family, and that is a hard one to navigate. But don’t invite those close who are only going to break you down, tell you, “You can’t!” or cause you to give up on opportunities and possibilities because they might seem a little hard. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Cut those cords.
Is there something in your life you’ve been telling yourself you can’t do, when in actual fact you might be able to if you start to believe and give it a try? How about speaking life to yourself in that area and then giving it a go. And come and tell us how it went…
Leave a Reply