Things i don’t understand… part I

What is one thing that you don’t understand? For me there are many.

One of them is how a plane flies. That’s where my faith kicks in cos i can easily learn the facts surrounding flight, but i’ve seen and experienced it to work and so i believe that those who need to know how it works, know how it works. It still astounds me every time that we are in this giant metal tube filled with people and we are taking off and moving upwards into the sky.

Another is pineapple on pizza. i don’t get that. But i will fight for your right to eat crazy things if you leave me alone to eat my no-pineapple-on-pizza pizza. And don’t even suggest taking it off, cos pineapple juice residue.

i don’t really understand crocs or top knots and again i will campaign strongly for your right to wear them alongside my right to make fun of them, cos top knots and crocs.

Things i REALLY don’t Understand

So we all have those, yeah? i like this movie, you like that band; this tastes good to me, i don’t know how you can drink that; ‘bae’ is NOT a word, how can you spell those words with ‘u’s in them? And so on…

The majority of that goes down to taste. You like a thing and i don’t or i see something in a thing and you totally cannot understand it, and for the most part it really doesn’t matter.

But there are some things i think really do matter, that i just can’t understand:

Litter: People who drop sweet papers on the floor, throw chip packets out of car windows, or my own personal favourite, people who throw cigarette butts out of their car windows [often still lit, in drought-stricken Cape Town, nice move!] i just don’t get it. Feels like such an easy one to put the paper in my pocket until i walk past a bin and often i see people littering in close proximity to bins. Is this something people just never learnt? Cos i’m not talking one particular type or colour or gender or age or anything. So many people all the time, everywhere, with the littering, and i just don’t get it.

# A woman can say, “I really don’t like that” – cat-calling, uncalled for compliments, assuming you can sit next to her when she is alone at a table in a restaurant or bar, shouting “Hey beautiful!” out your window as you drive past and a whole lot of other things. And your response as a man is to try and justify or explain or be defensive or anything else except, “Oh wow, I’m sorry. I did not realise that was offensive/made you feel uncomfortable/was unwarranted and I will never do it again.”

i don’t understand that. And yet i see it time and time again. It really should end at, “I don’t like that. I don’t want that. Please don’t do that. Please stop!”

# In a race conversation or privilege conversation, the person whose words or mindset or actions have been questions responds with name-calling – so “You’re a libtard/You’re a moron/You’re a fuckwit [yes!]/You’re an idiot/You’re a liberal” – we get the point. But the moment you move to name-calling, it gives the impression that you don’t have a lot of faith in your argument to be able to stand up for itself and so you are hoping the misdirection of the name-calling will somehow provide an escape route.

i don’t understand that. But it goes beyond that. i was honestly trying to get my head around this one today [some tweets from Steve Hofmeyr and friends like i had over the weekend will do that for you]. There are some people who are saying, “When you do this, it hurts me!” and then there are people who don’t care or who will get defensive or angry or aggressive or worse.

Specifically when that is addressed to someone of another race. i just really don’t get it that i can be against someone else purely because of skin colour. i understand when it is inherited from being brought up in a racist/prejudiced family which was a lot more possible/likely when apartheid was the legislated norm i guess. But now. In 2018. It surely has to be fuelled by living in homogeneous spaces, right? The stories and the images and the stereotypes you are fed, as opposed to sitting across the table from someone and getting to know them and listen to them and hear their story.

With race conversations on social media, i am confronted by people who are “not racist” but then spend time telling me why they don’t need to spend time with “those people”. i don’t understand this. The richness of the diversity of the friendships that tbV and i have make statements and ideologies like that so confusing to me… We have started to find ourselves in social situations [and “find ourselves” is maybe not a helpful phrase cos it has been totally intentional on both sides] where we have been the minority in terms of race – i’m thinking Christmas night eve at the Mashua, i’m thinking New Year’s Eve paper game moments, i’m thinking Keegan’s birthday party and young adults hangout Saturday night in Wynberg. And maybe because those are becoming a lot more normal for us, it adds to the confusion of a “Why does everyone else not want this?” mentality.

So, in conclusion, there are many things i don’t understand, and many more i haven’t mentioned here like whatever went wrong with Nicolas Cage and how is it possible that people keep letting Adam Sandler make movies and why hasn’t everyone watched Stranger Things yet and why did the ref not call then when it was clearly the other guy’s fault and when can we start really getting behind the Proteas and believing that they are going to start winning games more consistently and why do people wear shoes too much and what cool funky surprising thing can i do with my hair next.

SO MANY THINGS…

But some of these continue to be more surprising than others and some of them definitely have more real-life consequences than others.

What is one thing that you don’t understand? And do you have any easy answers for me with the things i don’t understand?