Continuing the series where I asked a bunch of my friends who I think are in healthy marriages to share a key or two about what they have found helps make their marriage work well. Here are thoughts from my brother-in-law:

We communicate about everything, no matter how trivial it might seem.

We clear stuff up immediately, a small issue which is resolved immediately remains just a small issue but many unresolved small issues build up and cause problems down the line.

We don’t refer to past disagreements, they are dealt with in the moment, then we move on.

Always use ‘we’ language, it helps us to remember that it’s us against whatever issue we’re facing, not me against you.

Last but not least, we are unique individuals and a unique couple, what works for other couples might not work for us and what works for us might not work for other couples, never feel under pressure to do what others do.

Ewald Witthoft [married for five and a half years]

[continue to the next part here]