On friday nite we had some mates around for a meal and some in depth conversation.
The picture above is not a group selfie but rather a close-up of the phone basket that was my wife’s idea.
We emailed everyone beforehand to let them know, and as they arrived at the party we held out the basket and they muted their phones and dropped them in and got them again as they left at the end of the evening.
This didn’t work quite as well for J. who arrived 45 minutes late and with no doorbell and no means of contacting anyone inside [we couldn’t remember if he had RSVP’d yes or not] had to eventually leave and miss out on the fun [although maybe, for Capetonians especially, that is its own lesson on punctuality or sending texts when knowing you will not make it on time].
And it was incredible. We did it again on Easter Sunday with the family. Phones in a box and for a crowd who tend to gravitate to our screens when we get together, it was a revelationary process.
What was perhaps most interesting on both occasions was how much everyone embraced the idea absolutely when we told them about it. Almost as if we had given a group of people permission for something they had already secretly been wanting to do.
i share this completely as an idea for you and yours. i have heard of a similar version when you go to a restaurant with mates and the phones all go in the middle and the first person who reaches for their phone, if there is a call or message or something, foots the entire bill. That would seem like a way to get us cured of our ‘connectedness’ quickly.
This is the thing that gets me. On most occasions [and there are exceptions] when you have chosen to spend time with me [one on one at coffee, hanging with a group of friends at a braai, dinner occasion with the family] and then you choose to allow our time to be interrupted by someone you have not chosen to spend time with at that moment, it just feels completely rude. In fact, what you are saying is i am even going to give a wrong number [someone i don’t even know] the opportunity to take my attention away from you. It really is just so much of rudeness.
Also the idea that you will turn your phone off for a movie or a church service or dentist appointment, but not for a time spent with me? Insulting.
We need to learn how to be present and engaged with those who we have chosen to spend the time with.
The phone box is going to be a regular staple at the group dinner events tbV and i are planning to hold, and our family also decided that we should do that every time we get together for a meal, not just that one occasion.
So just try it out. And let me know how it goes.
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Yes. This. I have had friends call me out on this a lot, recently. Today I joked about changing my Facebook status to “In a relationship with my phone”.
You have a point, and a very good idea. When we eventually meet, you will forgive my sweaty palms and nervous tics, as I turn off my phone to focus wholly on you.
i absolutely will and you make a good point [indirectly] in that for a lot of people this means learning some good social skills and for some people it might be that the screen saves them from eye contact etc etc… so bring on the awkward!
Yup. I did a diversity project some years back where we explored the cultural phenomenon of eye contact / no contact within black, white, Afrikaans and gender subgroups. If I ever had to repeat that study, we’d have to take into account the digital crutch that is the smartphone
Several times, when I have been in a cafe on my own reading a book, I’ve started out feeling a little awkward about being on my own. Then I’ve looked at the tables around me and noticed that many couples, families and groups of friends are all (or at least one at each table) looking at their phones. This is a really good idea.
Thank you, this is a great idea. I’m impressed that your friends were keen on it too! Apart from being rude, I’ve been recently reminded of other negative effects that being on one’s phone amongst company, especially family (especially children) has – it tells the other person that they are not important to you. I’ve noticed that at times, when I sit mesmerised by my screen, chatting to someone else, I look up briefly to find my 10month old daughter staring and waiting for me to look up and “be present” with her… This “you’re not important” message is especially harmful to send to an emotionally and spiritually developing little person. (read “The Big Disconnect” by Catherine Steiner-Adair for more info on the effects of social media on the family)
Absolutely Jodi, I forgot to mention that part but you are spot on. Presence.
Yes! Please! It isn’t as bad here in the DR as it is when I go back to the States but it angers and hurts me deeply when I’m having a conversation with someone and they’re scrolling through their phone. Live in the now, man! I am human and wont to do the scrolling too, which is why I don’t have a smart phone (yes, I do know it’s 2015) and leave my fancy iPod at home whenever I leave the house. Everyone everywhere should have a phone basket.
Saw this quote some time ago:
just remember: we’re the one with brains
a smart phone has limited battery life and yet we’re the one it drains.
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