Have you heard the one about the Bishops Sex Scandal?
i knew something was up when ‘jokes’ containing the words ‘Bishops’ and ‘Water Polo’ arrived in my hockey whatsapp group.
But i had not heard of the specific incident and when Val told me the details that night i was shocked.
And have just written something in my hockey whatsapp group which is likely to not go down that well, but this is a very real case of #NotOnOurWatch.
There was a clear case of sexual abuse and it sounds like there may be more young people involved. Even calling it ‘inappropriate sexual behaviour’ feels like it softens it up and makes it sound less traumatic than it was. A teacher in a place of authority crossed a line and that is not okay.
And when we make [and pass on] jokes about it, that just adds to the culture of violence that we have in this country.
Had a friend of mine message me this morning to ask if i would write something about the Bishops sex scandal, as it is a sickening thing. i agree.
It is great to see that Eusebius Mckaiser has already written something about the matter and condemned it in the strongest possible terms:
‘Eusebius questions why it is that society does not take seriously young men being victims of the abuse of power in society?
If this was a male teacher allegedly preying on boys or a male teacher allegedly prying on or starting relationships, even consensual one with girls, I think we would react very differently.
— Eusebius McKaiser, Show host
At the moment there is an internal investigation happening at the school but the principal has apparently made an appeal to any other boys affected to come forward:
“We have confirmed that there have been several boys who have been affected over a number of years,” said principal Guy Pearson in the statement.
He called on any other parents and pupils who have been affected to come forward. “The investigation into the serious sexual misconduct of one of our female teachers is ongoing. There has been an appeal to boys and parents for any information which would add to our understanding,” he said.
So it does seem quite strong that there is a story here, but this post applies regardless of whether that is true or not. Because this post is about us taking light of sexual misconduct that we think happened. And making jokes about it. While lives are being, and have been, destroyed to some extent. That is not okay and as long as we continue to make light of the serious happenings in our country, we will not be able to move forwards.
This event should move us to mourn, to lament, to cry out, to take strong action and send a message that this kind of behaviour is not okay. The cases of teacher-pupil sexual relations have risen dramatically in this country over the past five years. What kind of future are we building towards?
This Old Boys School Rivalry Nonsense needs to end as well
i am adding this part in to the original post because it feels like it is a huge part of the problem. Specifically with Boys schools. Where the rivalries between schools move away from being fun sports-field rivalries to hate-filled sometimes violence-fuelled battles which end up belittling and humiliating and causing shame. And that needs to stop.
The Bishops-Rondebosch Waterpolo punch-up a year ago is a classic example of this. Whenever a sport turns to violence we have lost the plot.
But larger than that i have heard of Old Rondebosch Boys who are now using this incident with the school teacher to rub it into Bishops face. The rivalry is so toxic that it will use a sexual scandal to score some kind of virtual points in a game no one can win.
This needs to stop! i am all for the rivalry between schools when it comes to some fun on the field and even between fans. But once it becomes personal and ugly it stops being useful in any way, shape or form.
These incidents are closely tied in to the gatherings so many of us took part in about a month ago after the death of Uyinene Mrwetyana. They have to be seen as being in the same category. The broken messed-up nature of so many men who have bought into a destructive and violent ethos of living.
What is it going to take to change us?
i read this inspiring comment from a mom who seems to have figured that out at least in her space:
Kim Nicola: 100% agree. I had a very open chat with my son (a Bosch boy) to highlight the serious nature of the case. He won’t be sharing, forwarding or responding to any of the memes or jokes.
[For men looking for some other ideas on how to improve ourselves, check out these 40 Tips for Men]
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It’s not okay when it’s a person in a position of power such as a teacher, doctor or a boss. That is abuse of power.
In this case, it seems like lust as she was hanging out with the water polo guys. The 18 year old guys obviously found her attractive. What man wouldn’t. She did abuse her position. Any normal 18 year old would be hard pressed to say no.
Regarding after effects, i doubt the guy experienced any trauma. If anything, this guy took advantage of this lusty teacher too. So it’s not a clear cut case here
No Ricky. NO NO NO NO NO. It is not okay. It is an abuse of power and position even if age-wise it is legally okay. There will definitely be associated trauma and just because lust is involved does not make it okay. A teacher should not sleep with his/her students. The end. It is so completely clear cut. Attractiveness is irrelevant. In her role as a teacher she crossed a number of lines [and we don’t even know the specifics of the story so there could be a greater deal of abuse and it does sound like it was with more than one student!]
It seems she sent videos of herself to students. These have gone viral. Hectic.
I feel sorry for the husband. Apparently she was with other guys before that too. 47 total is the rumor.
There have been a lot of rumours flying around and it’s wise not to hold on to them as truth. From what i believe to be true there was inappropriate relationship and it likely involved a number of learners. The main point being this kind of behaviour is unacceptable AS IS making jokes about it or treating it lightly in any way.
The 18 year old is in bigger trouble than her. She could easily lay charges as he send porn (which she sent him) to all his friends who in-turn sent it everywhere. Its all over. So with the new “revenge porn” laws, he could be facing jail!
Hectic
Mandela effect is like forrest Gump and the vix of chocolates. Everyone knows that he said is and not was.
Okay, but now you’re not even using real words or coming close to making sense. Take a deep breath and maybe check what you type before you hit enter. Or start this again on a new day before you have taken any substances…
99 percent of all men would say it was their high-school fantasy. Of they had hot teachers that is. But let’s look at what else is in play. Could we be looking at the Mandela effect?
Firstly no. That’s a lot less true than you would like to believe. Secondly i have no idea what you are trying to say in the rest of your comment?
You have, again, my total respect for your clear thinking guts & honesty in tackling what’s going down. Your voice of balanced reason, ethical values & sanity is desperately needed. Wish you had a wider, bigger, louder platform. (Not just on this issue.)
Thank you so much for your kind words. Let’s just hope the people who need to see it will somehow get this in front of them and that the words will hit home…
The jokes are flying thick and fast from ALL SECTORS AND COMMUNITIES. I think to bring Rondebosch Boys High School at the forefront of this is as offsides as bringing in Nick Mallets name into this story.
Bishops and Rondebosch have a known rivalry and the example used to me was Rondebosch which was mentioned as an example along with other examples so not sure what you mean by offsides. All schools and all men need to look at themselves in the mirror and ask themselves some serious questions. i imagine Nick Mallet’s name was brought in by whoever wrote the articles to get wider readership for sure… it should be irrelevant to the whole case.
Why did this woman marry if she was going to be a harlot? I hope the husband dumps her as this is not on. Do you think divorce is warranted in this case?
Secondly, do you think the abolishion of corporal punishment in school has led to a generation with no discipline or morals?
Thirdly, we need a national day of prayer soon to help pit us onto a brighter better timeline. Think Mandela effect.
From a Biblical perspective divorce is only warranted if there has been an affair and so yes technically it is allowed but i also believe in a bigger picture where healing and redemption are possible and so if she has truly confessed and if she truly agrees to get the help she so clearly needs and changes from this then maybe the husband will find it in himself to show grace and mercy and give her a chance. Who knows? That is a really difficult one you can’t understand until you face it i imagine.
On corporal punishment, absolutely not, the generations before brought us colonialism and apartheid so not sure we can say we want to go back to how things were back then. People tend towards being messed up and if we can’t find ways to teach them what they really need to know – Values and ethics and character over history and geography and maths or perhaps there is a way to do both… then they will continue to end up acting as they do…
A national day of prayer sounds like a good idea in terms of gathering people and calling for a united front, but i would much prefer to see all the churches [and school and businesses and other organisations] seeing this as yet another opportunity to educate themselves and get help where necessary and address things like toxic masculinity [which despite this being a case about a woman who is the one to blame has also been so rife in terms of spreading the videos and making ‘jokes’ about it]… so yes, much work to be done!
What we are witness to is a destruction of morals and values. Sex should not be a commodity or a casual past time. In this case she objectified herself by sending lewd videos.
Now the question is, if you were sent the video, would you watch it? I had a peek but then deleted it. Cheap. I also think in this case, the husband has a right to sue for damages. She seems wealthy.
Absolutely agree with you on the sex comments. i would not watch a video like that unless someone i trusted sent me a link and i didn’t know what it was and then the second i saw i would turn it off. i have a testimony of ten years of struggles with porn [thankfully a long time ago] and so i know too well the hold it can have on people which often starts with curiosity. It is just so destructive though.
Can we talk about toxic femininity yet? Women who use psychology to influence men. In sexual context, the woman can also be toxic as we see here. A 18 year old man will have low resistance to the charms of a toxic female. They know how to manipulate.
Absolutely. It is definitely a thing. Although i think it is important to notice that even in this situation where the woman is the one who is to blame and the young men are the victims, toxic masculinity has still been so much in the middle of it with the jokes and sharing of pictures and video and comments made. So definitely women can be toxic but in this situation you have one toxic woman to hundreds if not thousands of toxic men. We know where the majority of the problem lies.
I would like to say it is a product of our society of bravado and cheap thrills. Toxic masculinity and toxic femininity are both things. They look similar but also different. A woman can easily manipulate a man by showing cleavage or legs or butt. I know as a man, that when a women dresses like this in an office environment it is very difficult to concentrate or talk business in a room. So a hot babe 30, dressed with low cut top and short skirt, amazing perfume and stilettos – what is a man to think? Certainly not business. I think in work environments and schools, women should dress more conservatively and not flirt with men. This is passive aggressive toxic femininity which plays on the man’s needs or wants. Men too should not dress provocatively in the work place.
Women should only dress up like that in private with her husband.
What is your view on adultworld? Do you think it has a place in society?
Is it possible that this woman was overly libidoed? Could she be a nymphomaniac? Have you seen that movie? Truly hectic.
I think in the case of this woman, if it were more than one that she was busy with, then the husband should divorce. I heard it was a few and over a number of years. But rumors. For all we know, this young guy may have fallen for this hot woman and she seduced him? I wonder why he’d dump her then and not continue? Knowing human nature.
Society is falling apart. Who knows what shocking things we’ll read about tomorrow? Today is the 17th October. 17 = Q, so lets see if anything happens on the Q front.
Anyway have a great day and weekend.
i think we will get ourselves into trouble if we start talking about how women dress while never mentioning how men dress? Because the blame has consistently been put on women for that, but this is part of the notion of ‘rape culture’ where if you take it to its logical conclusion we are saying that men are just animals who can’t control themselves. Which is not true at all, unless they are sick and then they need help more than any woman needs to dress better.
i’m not a fan of Adultworld but i guess for consenting adults [i would suggest married with my view of the world and what is ideal] it is okay but not really my vibe.
And it is exactly because society is failing that we need to be addressing these things and taking responsibility when it falls on us and committing to a #NotOnOurWatch way of living that refuses to let messed-up-ness pass interrupted on our screens, in our whatsapp groups, and in our lives.
I did mention how men dress in my post. I just think in terms of work getting done, dressing like you going to a nightclub is a no go. This is also a reason many do not hire hot women at work. They want to, but it would be too distracting. Women who dress sexy for interviews are overcompensating for lack of ability if you ask me.
I would go so far as to say that most people are like animals when in certain positions. In the heat of the moment, when one is hungry or drowning, people behave exactly like animals. During sales or black friday also. So many examples we can think of easily.
In many cases, people behave far worse than animals. This is the truth.
While your examples of people as animals may be true that doesn’t make it okay in any of those cases.
The problem here is that putting men and women together in certain situations does lead to temptation. A woman with men in an environment where one is mostly naked like water polo is a recipe for something to happen. It’s not an entirely natural environment and it affects the mind. In a tribal culture or commune, a man and wife would be together for much of the day and this sort of temptation would be far less. The same for office environments. All unnatural and so the mind plays tricks. Same for education and other activities. It’s not right, but what can we do about resisting temptations? Sure some can do it, hut given perfect temptation, could you resist? Also depends on hormone levels. Hormones override the mind often. Think of the fight or flight or f hormones… All basic primal instincts we battle to overcome. So let’s change it so there are less temptations. Or should women be dressed in g strings at work? Should men be showing 6 packs at the office? We need more conservative dress codes and men should mix with men in the workplace and schools. Same for women.
You know, Clint? i’ve been to the beach maybe a thousand times or more and women are hanging around in bikinis and i have never tried to sleep with anyone besides my wife. So no, that’s not a valid argument. We are not animals and we can make the right choices and if we can’t we get help!
Hey Brett, if you state it was ‘a clear case of sexual abuse’ – has this teacher been proven to have done so, or admitted to such?
I am just worried this woman is being victimised, presumed to be guilty and so on – I haven’t seen anything saying she actually did anything – just accusations at this stage. I haven’t read much on it, so I may be wrong.
But if I’m not wrong, then why is she being spoken of by so many as though she actually did this? The usual tone is that everyone is very careful to say things like ‘has been accussed of being’ and ‘is alleged to’ and yet everybody seems to be slandering this woman who is, for now, supposed to be assumed to be innocent.
Not to say of course that the young men who are alleged to be victims don’t have an equal right to be heard and the people dealing with the matter should of course deal with both parties very sensitively until the matter is proven one way or the other…
Yeah, maybe read some more…
Thanks Brett. Not really keen to read more on it, but someone closer to the situation told me it’s pretty black-and-white even though it hasn’t been proven in a court of law.
The person who asked me to write the piece is a parent of a child in the school and quite well involved and i have read a lot of the articles going around and the teacher in question has resigned and i have read her fathers comments and so while there is apparently not an official criminal case per say there is definitely internal investigation to see what further steps must be taken.
i just found your initial comment a little lazy when you self-declared you didn’t really know any of the facts but if this is a thing then maybe…