in a nutshell if you refer to your woman (whether it be girlfriend or fiance or wife) as a ‘ball and chain’ or any similiar type negative reference you are probably in need of an attitude shift… or maybe a slap to the head (and i am more than happy to assist with either!)

as tbVal pointed out to me today it is often the very people who should be campaigning for the opposite who are the ones guilty of this – a pastor at a wedding ceremony, the best men (so good mates of the groom), the husband – and it is always ‘done in jest’ and light-hearted and just a joke… BUT i strongly believe that it can (and maybe always) have a negative effect on the relationship in various ways.

as they say ‘many a true word is spoken in jest’ which i don’t necessarily agree with in entirety altho i just realised they said ‘many’ and not all and so i guess i actually do… but as my buddy MJ coined it today, ‘many a true word is spoken undressed’ and that gives to me a clearer picture actually in one sense of what is really happening… cos often the jest/humour/barbed comment/negative stereotype is a metaphorical undressing or revealing of what really lies beneath.

and so referring to your wife as the ball and chain “ha ha ha” actually (if we could peer for a moment honestly into your heart) can display a hint of resentment or bitterness linked to stuff you had to give up when you got married or the way your time is no longer completely your own but now has to include the plans, dreams, priorities and movements of another… and so instead of changing your heart and dealing with the negativity you are feeling, you feed it by subtle innuendo and ‘innocent’ comment.

i was at a pastor’s breakfast today where the one pastor’s wife had come for the first time and when they said who she was wife to, someone loudly commented ‘ag shame’ or something to that effect. more negativity

quite possibly a curse.

i love my wife. and i want the world to know that. and more importantly i want my wife to know that. and so i tell her. a lot. i tell her when we are alone. and i tell her publically because it is something i want people to know and see and hopefully learn from.

why would i ever want to make a negative comment – even as a joke – towards her – that she may even in the slightest most smallest part in the back of her heart wonder if there is any truth to? why, for the measly pittance of a small (nervous? cos is that my real feeling, as the listener towards my wife?) laugh, would i risk selling out my immense love.

and people will throw ‘but you’re in the honeymoon period’ at us and i may need to administer a different slapping for that cos altho it is still early days in our marriage, this is an intentional, well thort out, muchly observed, taken on phenomenon of truth. in ten years time i will hold to the same stuff and hopefully still be accused of being in the honeymoon period (forget that, we’re in the marriage period and it IS till death do us part) because of how i treat Val, and how i speak to Val, and how i speak of Val and how i look at Val.

and so i want to encourage you and i want to exhort you and i want to stand up on top of a nearby mountain and SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS AT YOU… choose to bless and not to curse! Both publically and privately speak positively to and about your wife (fiance, girlfriend) – building her up, building up your marriage, giving a positive vibe to those who are not married that this marriage thing is an incredible thing (not always easy, sometimes really hard, sometimes very easy – a lot a lot – and sometimes a lot of work and other times so incredibly amazingly amazing) worth pursuing when the right person has been found.

do not allow the enemy even a foothold…

and i really believe that dissing each other publically, making negative to-marriage-or-to-each-other jokes and other stuff can speak curses, which, like seeds, are planted into your relationship, and altho there may be a long long time of not seeing any effect to them, will at some stage become rooted, and grow and eventually emerge, and by then it may be too late, or immensely difficult to restore what you have lost.

“what you water, you will grow” [chris the boss]

speak blessing, love, speak life, love, uplift, love, encourage, love, build up, love, add beauty, love, raise self-esteem/self-belief/ self-worth…LOVE!

[for the next part of ‘How to Love your wife better’ – Halting the movement of the sun – click here.]

[To return to the start of this series, click here]