Re-introducing No_bob [the world’s most famous stuffed dolphin]

No_bob, No_bob, swimming in the ocean

No_bob, No_bob, showing no emotion

No_bob, No_bob, the world famous dolphin

No_bob, No_bob, everybody loves him

No_bob, No_bob, you know you want to hug him

No_bob, No_bob, the world famous dolphin

That is the chorus from ‘The No_bob Song’ which was written and performed by Serving Suggestion probably a hundred years ago it feels [but probably closer to 15] and what a fun song it is.

i figured after last night that since coming over to my new blog space it would be a great time to introduce No_bob to some of you who may not have had the pleasure.

Last night i went to watch the T20 cricket game between South Africa and England and bumped into the world’s number one test bowler, Dale Steyn [as one does] and had the world’s most famous stuffed dolphin in my pocket [as one does] and so asked him if i could get a pic. i think for a change it was the world’s number one bowler who was staring an unplayable delivery but he whipped out his best #ProteaFire stance and gave me this classic:

What an absolute legend. And let’s face it, that was pretty cool of Dale Steyn as well.

No_bob: ORIGINS

For those of you who may not know the story, i rescued No_bob from the cruel clutches of stuffed dolphin slavery back in 2000 on a pier in Brighton with a kind of a fairground vibe going on. I threw balls into holes and my wooden fish ‘swam’ faster than all the other wooden fish and i won a yellow-and-white stuffed dolphin [that many of you have tried to convince me for years used to be blue – nope, always yello!] and decided then and there to groom him into becoming the world’s most famous stuffed dolphin [which, to be honest, given the competition, meant i had to introduce him to one person].

At the time i really loved the name ‘Bob’ because of a deliciously dark Blackadder episode involving a girl who disguised herself as a boy so she could get work in London and when she arrives at Blackadder’s door, they have this exchange:

Blackadder: What is your name, boy?

Kate: It’s Kate, sir.

Blackadder: Kate?… Isn’t that a bit of a… girl’s name?

Kate: Er, um, it’s short sir… for, um… Bob.

Blackadder: Well young [enunciates each b] Bob, you’ve got yourself a job.

So i decided to call him ‘Bob’ but then ‘Bob’ also seemed quite done at the time and normal and so, realising that he was made of material and so would sink if put in water and not actually bob, the name No_bob was born, or created, or something. Capital ‘N’ followed by the underscore followed by a small ‘b’ although his name gets butchered pretty much every time. As does his species. I’ve been calling him a dolphin since i got him and so THAT’S WHAT HE IS, biology people. He is not my fish, whale, or anything else. Even if technically he is [i don’t know who to believe on that].

WHAT’S THE POINT?

That say everything happens for a reason [and that sometimes that reason is because ‘You’re stupid and do stupid things’] and typically with me, that is true. Often layers upon layers that sometimes end up being completely for my own amusement, because i’m ridiculous like that.

But when No_bob started making more public appearances, there was a very specific intention. i had just started doing a lot of speaking at churches and schools and youth groups and stuff and didn’t like the idea of the ‘Man of God delivering the Word from the stage’ [your typical tv evangelist kind of vibe] and so decided to try be anti that. Part of which was different hairstyles and colours of hair. And part of it was starting every talk by whipping No_bob out of my pocket and introducing him and explaining that i was going to call him ‘Bob’ but he doesn’t and so, ‘No_bob’… which NEVER got a laugh to my surprise every single time. or hardly ever. Until recently when i started using him again and realised i had to explain the joke in the joke and add the words ‘because he doesn’t bob’ for people to get it.

So instead of ‘Man of God delivering the Word’ i became ‘guy with weird hair and a stuffed dolphin’ and hoped that if i ever delivered a message that impacted people, none of it could be attributed to how i looked or any kind of impression of greatness from the stage.

ENCOUNTERS

The Eiffel Tower with Chris Campbell

No_bob has travelled a little bit around the world, with my friend Chris having taken him on a trip to France many years ago. He’s been with my to England, the U.S.A, Malaysia, Canada, Malawi, Namibia and a few other places and met some interesting people.

Or to be more true to life, some interesting people have met him. One of the things i decided early on was to go against the common trend of pretending stuffed animals are real and so one of the key points of No_bob is that he’s not real, as in not alive. So he doesn’t have thoughts or feelings or anything like that… he’s just a toy. But i, as his owner have feelings.

The band Tree63 and No_bob

Michael Mol and No_bob

But the cherry on the top was the time i was able to introduce him to Desmond Tutu which i think was a bit of a relief for the man as everyone else had been asking him for group hug selfies:

Former Archbishop Desmond Tutu and No_bob

Years ago i had the most amazing t-shirts made for No_bob and these went all over the world [gave some out to friends i made at an International youth leader’s conference in Malaysia and so literally all over the world] and i think it’s about time to create a new one. They have a picture of No_bob on the front, with the word ‘…because he doesn’t’ on the back.

And so much more, but let’s leave it there for now. Stories of how he was kidnapped dolphin-napped and lost an eye and got stretched and got mauled by a dog and got to ‘meet’ Pearls Before Swine creator, Stephan Pastis, and chased Nicky Gumbel around a petrol station store [in my hand to be fair] in England can wait for another day…

Pearls Before Swine creator, Stephan Pastis

Immortalised in cartoon

Ladies and gentlemen of the blog-reading persuasion, i give you No_bob. Well, i don’t give him to you, he’s mine, but you can look at him for a bit.

Have you ever met No_bob or seen him live? Tell us your story…