[*Disclaimer: this blog post can only be read in 3D, so please deposit R20 in my brettfish@hotmail.com Paypal account before reading further ]

Dear Ster Kinekor Overlords,

I’m just going to assume you have given yourselves that title, because it would be a missed opportunity if not, with the way you treat the general masses.

I watched ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ last night and Spoiler Alert: Watching it in 3D SUCKED! I woke up this morning and as I was writing a message to my friend about the movie I literally could not think of a single moment in the moment that was enhanced in 3D.

Let me explain it this way – I’m a 43-year-old man-child and every time I watch a decent movie and there are things ‘floating in front of me’ I literally reach out my hand as if to grab them. Yes, every, single, time. I’m hoping my wife might think it’s cute or something. But do you know where my hands were during ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’? Well, that’s not important now, but they were NOT reaching out to grab imaginary things in the air in front of me. Not one moment was noticeably changed. Do you know what the industry term for that is? Rip-off!

Stop Force-Feeding us 3D #YesISeeWhatIDidThere

I absolutely HATE [as do most of my friends] that when a new movie comes out, you force us to watch it in 3D before screening it in 2D, if at all. I watched Thor two weeks ago after it had been on the circuit for about a month because I had been waiting for it to go to 2D, because, and I don’t know if I mentioned this before, I HATE WATCHING MOVIES IN 3D! And I couldn’t find it. And was worried it would leave the circuit. And so eventually I was forced to watch that in 2D as well.

3D Ster Kinekor

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s a subliminal secret message by the way and I will gladly sell you my used 3D glasses for R50 so you can figure out what it says…

[In fact let me just put the record straight here that having seen a semi-decent mostly-forced amount of 3D movies, the ONLY one that REALLY was enhanced by 3D was Avatar which was incredible but was also completely filmed specifically for 3D with a special 3D camera. There is a chess fight scene in the original Johnny Depp Alice in Wonderland that was pretty good in 3D but for the most part, movies are ‘converted’ post-production simply so that the 3D label and price tag can be added to them.]

Your tickets are already overpriced and with Netflix and even dvd stores offering six times what you are for the price of one ticket it just becomes more and more appealing to stay at home and not have to pay an extra R100 for a drink and something to munch on. #DontGetMeStartedOnYourFoodPrices

And that is generally what I do, which is a pity because as I mentioned I am 43 years old and so going to the movies was a huge part of my growing up and has many excellent memories attached. These days I will only go for actually-better-on-the-big-screen event movies [Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, Fast and the Furious, Avengers] but even those are becoming less and less appealing as they become more expensive and we are forced to watch 3D without being given the benefit of it.

I don’t know that Nu Metro is any better by the way, but I tend to be a Ster Kinekor loyal and so maybe I should go and check them out although when I was looking for 2D Thor I know I was disappointed wherever I looked.

A ‘fun’ game for the wealthy

The last point I will make on this, because I think the point has been made, is that your decision [because let’s not for a second pretend this isn’t an underhanded devious capitalist greedy line-the-pockets-with-money decision] is one that affects the poor a whole lot more than the rich. Is watching movies an important thing in the scale of some of our country’s problems involving education, access to services, food, employment and so on? Absolutely not. But great story-telling has always been something that can let people escape the harsh realities of life they are facing to head to a world of wonder and mystery and humourous rolling space ball robots. Your 3D decision impacts the poor the most because the rich will just sigh and fork over the money and secretly hate you, and the poor may have to miss out altogether.

Once again excluding the poor. Which in this country still looks very much black and coloured and indian. And so if I wanted to drag this thing to its logical conclusion I could suggest that your decision to only release the big movies in 3D has been specifically aimed at excluding black, coloured and indian people [for the most part]. And I’m pretty sure there is a word for that.

So what’s it going to be, Ster Kinekor? This feels like a fairly recent [last year, perhaps?] decision to only release blockbusters in 3D because I don’t remember searching so hard or waiting so long to see the movies I wanted to see on the big screen. It’s time you gave this a hard think and went back to how things used to be, as well as giving some serious thought to how you can make your movies more accessible to those who have less money.

Otherwise I think I might have to make a decision of my own to wait until the big movies head towards DVD and then gather a group of friends, a big screen projector, our own Pick ‘n Pay brand popcorn – which by the way costs R11 for 500g and not three Bitcoin for a handful – and watch it better on our own bigger screen.

Some of my best memories involve sitting in Ster Kinekor cinemas adventuring with Indiana Jones, avoiding asteroids with Han Solo, attempting breathtaking stunts with Vin Diesl and Paul Walker and the Crew, and watching Helen Mirren work that automatic weapon alongside Bruce Willis… I am desperately appealing to you to hear the people on this one and do the right thing.

Release new movies in 2D and give the eighteen people in South Africa who actually would choose to watch movies in 3D their own specialised opportunity to watch them. At least until the next three Avatar movies come out and then you can go wild.

How about it Powers that Be? Listen to the little guy for a change?

3D avatar

 

 

 

 

Your move. What’s it gonna be?

Brett “Fish” Anderson, formerly a fan…