Today we celebrate the Marriage of my best mate Rob Lloyd and his wife Nicky.
We continue to mourn the loss of a dear friend, a husband, a brother, a son, a mentor, a pastor, a worship leader, an ultimate frisbee player, a model of generosity, a voice of reason and hope and faith and so much more.
But while holding the one tenderly in the one hand, we want to take a moment and moments and a day to look back and celebrate.
i used to play a game called ‘How much do your friends like you?’ in which i would grab someone’s cellphone when they weren’t looking [or usually grab it and ask for permission and find out who some of their best friends were] and send a random message to ten people on their phone.
“I can count to ten.”
“I can tie my own shoelaces”
Stuff like that. And the rule was that the person whose phone that was, was not allowed to explain anything – they just had to wait and see how and if people responded.
Anyways, so once i grabbed Rob’s phone and sent a text to this friend of mine, Nicky, who he had met but didn’t know. i can’t remember what the text was, but it was silly and random and i thought nothing of it.
THE ONE FORMULA
A while later Nicky came over to watch a Grand Prix with me as we were in the habit of doing together – that and Survivor, with melted Top Deck and Smartie eggs and two teaspoons. For some reason Rob happened to be at that race which was a late evening one, which looking back was weird as Rob never watched Formula 1 with me, but somehow he was there and somehow they ended up getting bored or maybe the race was interrupted and they went out for a drive and i didn’t and a little bit later i found them outside in one of their cars and figured out Rob was not a Grand Prix fan. Turns out he was a Nicky fan.
And it came out later that my random sms had started a conversation between them on their phones and then later in real life and from then on i pretty much claimed the Matchmaking fee and if any of you single people want to let me look after your phone for an afternoon you’re welcome.
ROB AND NICKY
So enough has been said about Rob [well not really, as if there could ever be enough said about this guy] on my blog here and here and in fact i even wrote the shortest poem about the whole thing over here. But i want to end with a few words of celebration of Rob AND Nicky.
They just really worked as a couple. And i don’t know if Science would be able to dissect the thing and be able to tell you this is why, but with Rob and Nicky, from the outside it just really looked like it worked and worked well. [And every couple has their easy and hard times and so i imagine there are some more honest and hard stories of when it felt like it worked a little less behind the scenes. Regardless though, they kept getting it to work continually in front of the scenes]. They really complemented each other well and did so much as a team, while also having their individual interests and pursuits. Able to be themselves well and able to be together well – rare to see it so strong in a marriage.
Another thing that was incredible to see, knowing how often stress and uncertainty can often tear couples apart, was how Rob’s health situation brought them even closer together. i asked Rob on many occasions when we would go out for breakfast, “How is your marriage doing?” and it sounded like the difficulties they were facing just absolutely pulled them so completely towards each other.
Lastly, cos i really could go on [from hosting dinners to planting a church to doing trips to running events to cheerleading each other’s interests] it was so incredible for me to watch Nicky love my best mate well, especially as things got really hard towards the end. i know it was insanely hard for her and draining and so much more on every level and yet she absolutely dominated in the loving her husband department. She was truly a gift to Rob. And me.
CHEERS AND VIVA
Two years ago, Rob and Nicky went on a trip to Americaland at the same time as Val and i were living in Oakland and we managed to co-ordinate a trip to the Grand Canyon together for a day from Las Vegas where we met up. That time remains a special one in our hearts – it was way too short, but during a long season of being too far away from my best mate who was going through a really difficult time, it felt like an absolute gift for us to be able to hang out and connect and just have some fun together.
We didn’t quite get to Europe together, but we’ll always have Vegas!
And so to Rob and Nicky Lloyd… on Ten Years of well done marriage, modelling it to the rest of us as we slip and scrape and slide our way through, and demonstrating how two very strong individuals can also become one very strong couple, we salute you, we remember you, we celebrate you, we love you. Nicky, we cry with you again today.
How do we love Nicky well? That’s a hard one which i think we are all trying to figure out at the moment, including Nicky, but i did have some thoughts here in terms of not disappearing completely, but also being overly sensitive in how much space and distance we allow her to choose to have.
Today is her day. It is their day. So let her set the pace for what she is and isn’t up to. Just make sure we’re all there tomorrow again if and when she needs us to be.
To Rob and Nicky…