This is a follow up to the post i wrote a few days ago looking at petrol attendants in South Africa.

Before i actually wrote the previous post [or while i was writing it, really] i stuck this survey question as a status on Facebook:

Monday Survey: How much [if anything] do you tip your petrol attendant in South Africa when throwing in some petrol?

Which i would highly recommend you to cut and paste on your own wall because you obviously have a different crew to me and it will be so super interesting to see how people respond…

Something my friend Megan Furniss said the other day really struck me and I’d like for us to consider this for a moment. Alongside the question which I’d love for you to answer in the comments section below.

How old were you when you had your first car in terms of a car that you had access and permission to drive often?

This was Megan’s comment:

“This is such an interesting debate, and one really close to my heart. In other countries there are no petrol pump attendants. You do it yourself, and then go and pay, yourself. Can you imagine? There is no greater place to see the disparity of South African wealth than at a garage, where most petrol pump attendants will never drive a car in their lives, but know how they work, and most drivers own their cars and spend money having them cleaned.”

The point Megan made was that the majority of people who fill up your car with petrol, check the tyre pressure and clean the windows are unlikely to ever own a car their whole lives. Let’s meditate on the daily in-your-face insult of that concept. To which Megan jumped on with:

Never mind own a car, drive one, or even be a passenger in a private vehicle.

Wait, so there are people in this country, who will never drive a car? [How many of us grew up feeling like that was an inevitable entitled right of ours?]

And people in this country who will never be a passenger in a private vehicle? [Give me a moment to pick pieces of my blown mind off the floor]

Sit with that for a second. Stop reading. Just take a whole minute on that. Or five. The thing so many of us see as a right and a likely happening in our lives and a take-for-granted daily thing, some people will never ever have or do. Ever. And a lot of people. 

i said Stop Reading. If you can’t wait for one minute and just try your best to wrap your mind around that last paragraph then rather don’t bother reading any further, cos that bit is kinda the point. That is privilege. The likelihood of a very different set of opportunities, expectations and outcomes for your life. 

i have enjoyed a number of good conversations and engagements on Facebook recently where we ask a simple question like this and let peoples’ answers bring their own reflection and i encourage you to do the same with your people. These are conversations we need to be having and they can start with something as simple as, ‘How much do you spend on coffee a week?’ and ‘What do you tip your petrol attendant?’ and hopefully evolve into bigger and deeper and even more meaningful conversations and then hopefully actions…

Finally Megan had this helpful reminder for me to be aware of as we continue these conversations and a great question for each of us to keep returning to:

You have no idea how this conversation is with me today. I am both glad and horrified by it. What strikes me, over and over, is how many of our responses are about the ‘me’ and ‘I’ instead of the other person. ‘I’ tip such and such. If ‘I’ get good service then blah blah blah. My saying of the decade is “it’s not all about you.”.

As a white person can i engage in these conversations without making them all about me? That can be tough sometimes. But once i am able to do that, i believe that it frees me from being so precious about the honesty and reality of the conversation, once i stop suspecting that every statement is an attack or accusation on me, and also invites me to enter someone else’s world and reality to some extent and hopefully start the switch from ISSUE to PERSON. Because THAT will change EVERYTHING.

So, How old WERE you when you had your first car in terms of a car that you had access and permission to drive often?