Jessica Jones is returning to Netflix and i couldn’t be more stoked.
One of the latest in a series of Marvel comic crossovers, Jessica Jones was most recently seen alongside Luke Cage, Daredevil and Iron Fist as part of the Defenders team trying desperately to save New York. It is a very dark series and one of the main reasons i stayed with it was probably because David Tennant [my all-time favourite portrayer of Dr Who and really excellent in Broadchurch as well] was the villain, and what a badass villain he was.
So i watched the trailer with eager anticipation…
And then created a whole Facebook Live video on one single line from the trailer which initially offended me, but then caused me to think about it some more.
You can watch the Facebook Live video chat over here.
Guy: I won’t take no for an answer.
Jessica Jones: How rapey of you.
Powerful exchange. And i speak more about it in the video so make sure you watch it.
This is a conversation we [men] need to be having a lot more and continuing to have until we see things change for the women around us.
i was reminded about this post i wrote a few years ago about rape culture which is such an important thing for us to engage with and work towards being some of the solution for.
The bottom line is that much of the world is not safe for women and we are largely responsible for that.
In that blog piece [which you should seriously click on and read the whole thing] i gave three ways in which we can respond to this stuff:
Start by being educated – realise this thing is a thing – stop being defensive about it and missing it altogether – take time and be uncomfortable while doing so but push through
Listen – if you’re a guy, then give some space for your female friends to share their thoughts and experiences on this and really just listen without defending/reacting/explaining away/saying things like “yes but not every man is like that” which is true but doesn’t validate their experience and story – just listen and try and really hear
Make a stand – every time someone uses the word ‘rape’ to mean something that is not rape, i challenge them on it. Usually quietly in their inbox or in a conversation, but it is not cool when people do that. Ever. When someone tells a rape joke in front of you, you don’t have to make a big scene but just tell them strongly that that is not okay. When you see an advertisement using aggressively sexualised imagery, boycott the product, write to the company and let them know it’s not okay.
Men, we need to take this stuff more seriously and we need to be okay that it makes us uncomfortable.
The term ‘rape culture’ seems to provoke the same kind of responses as ‘white privilege’ does and often it’s because people just don’t understand what the definition of the phrase is.
Rape culture is a concept which links rape and sexual violence to the culture of a society, and in which prevalent attitudes and practices normalize, excuse, tolerate, and even condone rape. [wikipedia]
Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety. [Women’s Center, Marshall University]
Those are just two definitions that should hopefully spark off some empathy in us and our natural response should be, “Well, i don’t want to be a part of a society that is like that!” which will hopefully move us towards action, which is what the point of this post is about.
We need to start respecting the “No!” that people give to us, from when they are children through to adults. Being a man often is linked to being associated with a certain kind of power [which in negative situations plays out as violence or aggression] and we need to start figuring out how we can Recognise that power, Acknowledge it, and then start Leveraging it towards changing the status quo.
Can we start imagining a world together where women do not have to be fearful? When they are walking alone on the street or entering an elevator with a man or group of men in it, or heading out to their car late at night or having a drink alone in a bar or restaurant.
Let’s be part of creating that world together. Please tag your guy friends in this post and share it on your walls as these are conversations we have to continue having until things change.