i’ve been blogging for a little over two years now and i enjoy having a space to write my thorts or share my actions or be seriously silly or intriguingly insightful and a whole host of other stuff in between…
and in that time it is the stuff i’ve written on relationships that has been the most widely read… so from ‘How to Love Your Woman Better’ to keys to ‘having a good marriage [ideas submitted by friends i know who are married well]’ to the ‘i kissed dating series’. Then, recently, the first of the Taboo Topics series i have started [trying to look at issues that a lot of people have but rarely discuss] was really successful and hopefully assisting a lot of people who have struggled with losing a baby. A few brave people sharing their stories in the hope that it will bring encouragement, inspiration and hope to others going through the same thing.
so those are the blog topics that have really got a lot of attention… but there have been two other topics/themes/people that have popped up in my “TOP SEARCHES” spot on my blog, and, would you know it, as i go to find out what it is called, it proves my point… so before i announce the point, let me share with you today’s top searches which led people to my blog:
brett fish anderson, john ellis christian, brent fishes blog, never once did we walk alone, john ellis tree63
ha ha, when i go to check yesterday’s to see if they match up, someone reached my page by asking the question, “why did matt redman leave soul survivor?” i fear that will be a question that is never truly answered to my satisfaction…
and so that is the answer – from week to week to week, the two things that keep popping up in searches for my blog are ‘John Ellis’ who i blogged about possibly two years ago [and more specifically, ‘is John Ellis a christian?’], here and also here… and matt redman and more specifically the words to his song ‘never once did we walk alone’ which i posted a while back over here…
i am not really sure why those two topics have been the ones that continue to lure people to my writing [which feels like it happened so long ago – why is no-one searching for ‘somewhat funny bad afrikaans accent instructional warning-of-potential-danger you tube videos’ because surely that is something people are struggling to sleep at night for?] but i thort it would be interesting to pose the question in the subject line, because i already know the answer.
i have met both matt redman [interviewed him on CCFM radio many years ago, connected with him briefly at Soul Survivor Holland and was an attendee at a Matt Redman/Chris Tomlin/Louis Giglio panel discussion held for a bunch of worship and church leaders a couple of years ago at Jubilee church in Cape Town] and john ellis [mc’d for the band when they were still called Tree and i was a dj at CCFM, emailed a few times and had coffee with him in KZN two years ago, hung out with him when he gigged in Stellenbosch and mc’d a gig where he performed as himself at Arisefest in KZN in 2010].
and so when you take the question, ‘who would win a fight between matt redman [never once did we walk alone] and john ellis [formerly of tree63]?’ the answer is definitively that john would win. no doubt. because matt redman would not fight!
the first time i met matt i was a precocious know-it-all radio dj for a christian radio station and yet, as much as i asked him if he was a vegetable which one would he be? and other lame questions like that, all he wanted to do was talk about Jesus.
the second time i was around him he was one of two co-worship leaders at the Holland version of Soul Survivor [2001 i think] and i remember the one time the other worship leader antonie fountaine was leading a few thousand young people in worship and matt moved over to the side of the stage and sat with his legs dangling over the edge of the stage, playing his guitar and just really being out of the way of it all. just screamed ‘humility’ at me and any time i have been near or around me i have never seen anything to suggest otherwise.
and then there is john ellis, who has a song called “come out fighting” which i enjoy, as i do most of his first solo album. and having spent a bit of time with him and watched him do one or two gigs is quite a fitting description of the kind of head space he is in at the moment [or was, a year ago]. i really enjoyed my one on one coffee date i had with john two years ago – we have a similar sense of humour and have been inspired by some of the same books. he has an incredible gift in terms of writing and playing and singing, there is no doubt about that, and when he uses that for Jesus he is a force for the kingdom of heaven, that the gates of hell will not stand against…
but then we had an unfortunate incident at the gig i was mc’ing that he played at, and it’s not important to go into details, but the bottom line was that we went from being friends and him buying me a coffee before he went on stage and then cutting all contact off with me a few days later when he reacted to my blogged response of the incident. more than a year later and i have tried on a number of occasions to make contact and see if we can discuss what happened or move on, and i even emailed him during the writing of this blog [which is now into its third day] to let him know i was writing something and offering to send it to him before i posted it in case he wanted to approve/comment and am still to hear from him…
i don’t know if this is the right space or way but i have tried a lot of ways to connect with him and at the moment anyone who does a search for john ellis and ends up on my blog, gets the early stuff i wrote which was about giving him a chance and the benefit of the doubt and having a conversation with him… i figure there are a few people who read this who know john and so maybe you can pass on the message… some stuff happened, a long time ago now, and it’s beyond time to make up and talk it out if necessary or just move on… how about it john?
someone once said [and it has been repeated by a lot of someones since then] “Preach the gospel always. When necessary use words.” and for me, that statement has always felt more like an excuse from those who don’t want to say the name ‘Jesus’ than an encouragement to live out what you believe. because the reality is that it has to be both… if you only ever speak the good news and it is not lived out, then it will have no meaning, relevance or authenticity to those hearing it… and if you only ever live the gospel but never speak the name Jesus as the author and reason behind why we do what we do, then there is going to be a lot of good done, but no or little opportunity for life-transforming life change.
so the phrase i am working on looks something like this – “Preach the gospel in what you say and how you live. When necessary, refrain from words.”
Up to your cross I crawl
Now I am standing ten feet tall
Jesus my savior look what you’ve done for me
Free at last I’m free
I owe you my life completely
Yahweh Yahweh look what you’ve done for me
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I don’t know any of you, however sometimes posts/blogs don’t warrant a response. No-one can judge/comment on what happened between you and John Ellis unless they were there. I don’t know what transpired, but to comment or post in a public domain your version ( no matter how accurate) is a little unfair. Maybe John Ellis will respond when the time is right. Unfortunately I’ve seen it before where peoples ego’s get hurt (privately) and they put a comment on FB (publicly) which takes a stab at the source of the ego bashing! I hope I have not misread the whole incident? Forgive me if I have!
thankx for your comment Rich. it is a very complicated situation as were my reasons behind posting the blog which i may comment on at some stage. the incident was a very public thing [and i chose to keep it mysterious because those who were there – few hundred, maybe thousand – know what happened and those who weren’t don’t need to] which i believe warrants public response [as in paul rebuking peter publically, for the public sin of changing how he lived because of who was watching, in one of the epistles] which i did at the time… i agree completely with the “Unfortunately…” comment you make and i don’t think this is that, but it very well could be and then i will need to be the one repenting… the heart of it is me trying something which i feel is creative in a language i think john responds to to reach him when nothing else i have attempted has done the trick. i look forward to the day when him and i look back over all this stuff and laugh about it over some form of caffeinated drink. i have a lot of love for the guy and am not going to let him go that easily. thankx again for being bold in your response. the church needs so much more of that. and please pray for even greater creativity for me that i may find that way…
brett… friendship is voluntary… so is Christian brotherhood and accountability, underneath our physical (bred by emotional?) interaction. Surrender to Christ is voluntary, and so is being open to reprimand or accountability or encouragement or love from your bro’s – nature of the game, as you know.
The deal between you and John is not yours, but God’s. And so is John’s life (I hope) and your reaction to the relationship (I hope). Set him free and keep the relationship going by just praying for and loving they guy. Like God does with me all the time… just loving me, even when I try to cut him off.
“Set him free and keep the relationship going by just praying for and loving they guy. Like God does with me all the time… just loving me, even when I try to cut him off.”
that is great stuff Jannie, thankx, and if this doesn’t work that may be all that i have left… and it doesn’t sound like such a bad option… much love, b
Hi Brett
Praying for a deep an meaningful reconciliation. The words and reasons from both sides are often actually irrelevant. We always want to explain WHY we reacted the way we did so the other person can understand OUR point of view, but often they simply never will understand and all that is needed is, “I’m sorry, please forgive me.”
i hear you my friend and i think you are right and it is a matter of figuring out the best way to get an audience to be able to make that statement, and make sure that i completely mean it… much love, b
Hi Brett,
Perhaps it’s time for “The Biggy” – ‘Is Pain God?’ . I have been contemplating over the last few months the level to which pain affects the most powerfully well intentioned people. Your blog seems to react to some personal pain, & the pain of losing an admired friend. Your friends actions were perhaps reactions to a pain of his own (the nature of which he alone is qualified to pass comment on). Jesus “set his face as flint”, after agonizing with tears of blood at the intensity of pain in every possible multiplicity, awaiting him at the cross. Jesus through wisdom, foresight & the leading of the Holy Spirit, could ‘count the cost’ beforehand, & spent His entire life doing that. (As Paul says, for the joy set before Him, which is the purchase of the saints through His obedience: paraphrase mine). But what about those who face pain un-expectantly , who furthermore “count the cost”; un-expectantly in a multiplicity of new & almost inventive ways as their “normal life” continues?
I do believe that this blog does you an injustice in that it is exposes your private pain that you carry in a public forum. (Regardless; the pain was public at its occurrence). You are seeking the “Glory of kings” by exposing a matter, rather than identifying with God in concealing a matter. (Prov 25vs2: It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.). It is the very power of pain that brings you to a point of ‘desperation’, in “going public”, to try and ‘smoke John out’, (to quote yourself: ‘in a language He responds to..’) What points of desperation would you say John has been brought to? (Are you qualified to pass comment?)
I suggest the following:
1. Delete this blog
2. Write to John privately, make sure that u get the email correct etc (drop him a note to check for mail on that email address on FB). Simply outline in the simplest way your personal pain, & that you do not expect any response or restitution, (especially not publicly); also that you do not expect a friendship or anything in fact from him. Also that you honour what you do not understand about him, & that you intend to learn to process your own pain in reflection of your own insecurities & vulnerabilities, in the safe place of the Holy Spirits work. Tell him too that you love him & miss him, & that you wish you had the skills to express that in a way that would honour him, & encourage him, yet you fall short in that area.
hey Richard,
i really appreciate you taking the time to comment so fully and i believe there is a lot of wisdom in what you say. and i think my wife agrees with you – we had a long discussion about it the other night.
and as Jannie mentioned below [i think, or above] ‘friendship is voluntary’ and so it’s not as important that john and i become friends but having good or at least right relationship is desired. i definitely think public exposure/rebuke is the exception and i am one who for the most part approaches people directly as is the matthew 18 pattern of dealing with someone who has offended you. but i also think there are exceptions and whether i am right on whether or not this is one of them is definitely a question… so Paul rebuking Peter and Jesus going off at the Pharisees would be two examples of very public rebukes – Jesus calling Peter ‘satan’ [well kind of] and rebuking James and John and the rest of the disciples would be slightly less public examples although still with a degree of public’ity.
on the second point you made i have emailed countlessly [email address i had, via his website, facebook address, via his wife who may still be friends with me on facebook i think] as well as sent snail mail and text messages [when i was in SA and still had his number] so the message has definitely gotten through. the reason i used the ‘language he uses’ comment is because i had a similar situation once when i took a chance [in a snail mail] with a guy [also a bit of a celebrity, best selling book and all] who was very upset with church thinking it would not go well at all and because of the approach i took he actually responded well to it and so that’s why i identified this as a similiar situation – knowing john the little that i do i think he would actually totally dig this [whether or not we get to reconcile is another point] but having exhausted all the other avenues and after having had this sit in my drafts for a few days i decided that it was worth the risk on the off chance that he responds and we can have some words with each other.
having weighed it up the worst it can do as far as i see is change peoples opinion of me – i don’t think there is any potential damage for john [again, based one what i think i know of him] and that is a price i am willing to take on the off chance that it is something that works and because as i said before my attempts at reaching him directly have been exhausted [but i am friends with a bunch of friends of his and so i imagine he has seen this by now, especially as i emailed him via his web page a few days before to let him know it was happening and inviting him to respond first]
am i right in all this? i honestly don’t know. but this is a lot bigger than i was hurt and i want to get back at someone which i imagine it must read like. i have had people hurt me way more than john and sometimes i give it a bit of time but i always pursue good relationship and restitution with them at some time afterwards because that’s just something in me. i understand the destruction that unforgiveness can bring and know that the temptation to hold on to that is huge. and to write people off. but i also know that in my days of being stuck in recurring sin God didn’t write me off and i don’t really understand that at all but i fully appreciate it – He didn’t even forgive me but push me to the side – He still continues to use me big time and so i understand the grace and forgiveness and love of someone who refused to stop pursuing me.
and so i have to try that. and when conventional methods don’t work, resort to unconventional risky things that just may work.
and so i appreciate your comments – wounds from a friend can be trusted and i know i have to keep wrestling with this and checking my heart and hoping with everything i’ve got in me that i just may have gotten it right although there is a huge possibility that i didnt.
and hope within that space that my close friends and relatives will give me the space to make a really big mistake [while cautioning against it] and not hold it against me or rub it in my face or refuse to give me another chance to get it right the next time.
so thank-you. and please pray for me. and us. for peace and for kingdom resolution. i have seen the good and potential and life that exists in john and coupled with his passion that is an incredible force. and i am not prepared to give up on that so easily.
love b
Brett, thanks for a lengthy reply, I can see that you mean well… yet at the risk of commenting on a topic that is clearly well beyond the scope of this blog; it seems that your friend has decided to put some distance between you and him, & you may well choose to respect that & indeed it may be for good reason.
Imagine after 2 years since a destructive relational incident, I titled a blog going to hundreds, if not thousands of readers, “Dangerous things you can least expect – Brett Fish Anderson vs John Ellis” & then proceeded to substantiate for the reader how Brett Fish Anderson is the more dangerous of the two, sighting some examples & personal experiences.. & then in an additional series of comments, pondered deeply and profoundly, & with amazement how Brett Fish A will not respond to any of my correspondence.
How would you feel Brett?
I do not think that you are achieving what you have set out to achieve. I think that JE is teaching you a lesson by his silence; “let God be God & let Brett Anderson be Brett Anderson”. Perhaps there is a wealth of things to learn from the whole incident about how you view your personal responsibilities as a Christian. I personally believe that (even to protect you from further embattlement) ,there may be things that JE would want you to understand about your approach, which he realizes you are not ready to receive, or hear. So his only alternative is to speak the language that shouts louder than any other to you, “silence”.
That would have been a very poetic ending! Yet I just want to add that I think both yourself (through your writings) & JE (through his music & lyrics) are amazing individuals. You have both been a necessary voice, a questioning voice on many topics to many, for many, many years – there is plenty of “street cred” to go around between the two of you. So get on with it Mr Anderson, leave John alone. Let him be as responsible for his own journey, as you would like to be for yours.
Richard.
Hi Brett, (again)
I think you may want to know more to the story.. When I was a student I stayed for a year in a flat with a good friend. One day, while working at home alone on a “toilet design” for ‘Paris’, (these were the design projects that we were given while studying architecture), I just started to weep.(for perhaps 2 hours) There was no reason I could think of, except that the Holy Spirit needed a vessel to weep through. That was many years back. Within 3 years of that event, my good friend had met a girl (also a good friend) – got married & then within 2 years, divorced. On reflection I am tempted to believe that my little cry at the time was actually for pain that the Holy Spirit would feel through two of His children, three years later. These are just some of the angled facets (ways that God relates to me) that God has cut into the rough diamond of my heart, since beginning our God/man friendship through discussions over “marie biscuits”, & their lack of materialization next to my bed through prayer.. (I asked for 2 and only got 1, jokes I got none :-/, God still owes me!), that was when I was 6. I am now 39. This ‘vicarious weeping’ facet does not glint the person of the Holy Spirit that often in my life. (I can only think of my single fore-mentioned example, off-hand)
But tonight it shone through again. With something rather unknown weighing heavy on my heart I begrudgingly trundled off to “soaking”, (where they put worship music on in an empty space, & people lie on their backs & pray or meditate or whatever). I had tried unsuccessfully to “come for a chat” at any of my normal friend outlets, & so I ended up at ‘soaking’, making a beeline for a breakaway space, so as to avoid empty chit-chat.
There I just cried. I cried over the all the pain of your story with John. I cried tears where none have been properly cried out-from both sides. I cried for the pain that the Holy Spirit seems to feel. I cried for your pain, I cried for Johns, I cried for my own. I cried over secondary hurt in the Kingdom. I cried over those whom I consider to be generational contemporaries to me in the spirit. I cried over the seemingly ‘stalemate’ of the friendship, of differing world views, resulting in different revelations of Christ, which as honest as they are, remain surprisingly incompatible with one another. I cried over how impossible the situation is, in that within its typology, it represents a massive chunk of the body of Christ itself (& Himself). This time I knew why I was crying, Jesus hurts. I cried for at least 40 minutes straight tonight, & it is 4.30am while I write this.
Please note that in general I am an emotionally stable & happy individual, who’s emotions, & their expression, are considered normal by those around me. (Just in case any of you reading this are wondering!!)
So Brett: Your blog (this entry) has achieved a level of attention in the Spirit. Where weeping happens through the Holy Spirit on earth, God seems to shift things; that is a fact. I think of Hanna in 1 Samuel 1. (as a first example). So there has been a significant result for you from your “public prayer” which this entry seems to resemble.. (I think of David’s rather unsavory, particularly bias, yet frightfully honest – even grimy prayer life). That was indeed made public enough for us to all know about it now.
Regards,
Richard
hey Rich, some great thorts again which i have responded to you in mail in depth, but i guess the question i asked you there deserves to go here as well: what do you see as the difference between writing these responses to my blog publically [which contain in the nicest of ways, direct rebuke/challenge/questioning] compared to my original blog piece? is there a difference? because i see them both as pretty similar, but also both as completely valid, given the context. [altho the question of the ‘how’ with regards to my original blog is still very much something i’m trying to figure out as to whether it got it right or completely wrong]
thank you for being the ‘wounds from a friend’ that can be trusted and for having the guts to do what most people probably wouldn’t. i appreciate it and you very much.
Thanks Brett,
Having responded via mail in depth, I’ll (also) summarize on the post for other readers, (if they are still with us! ha ha), my answers to “how our “rebukes” may differ”, is as such:
1. Invited authority: You have invited input from others, (having explained that you may well be wrong), the nature of which you know will have to “speak for itself” within a public forum. Any “rebuke” as you have termed it, (which is hardly a word I would choose to use), is only at the authority you have given for all comments (on your Blog!), which must be made based on the information supplied. Any rebuke then, would largely be your own summery of my subjective stance. In actual fact I am saying; I THINK; “this blog does you an injustice”, & “I do not think that you are achieving what you have set out to achieve.” To the extent that you may agree with me, you may well choose to re-think things.
2. A controlled environment: You have the power, (& indeed it has been a suggestion from myself) to delete your post, or of-course any of my comments, thereby cancelling the authority given to myself or all who would comment, which you are free to retract at any time, retaining “right of admission”.
3. A Parable, to establish feelings: I have employed a parable relating directly to the title of your blog. By this I bring the reader to look at the crux of your post, (A title summarizes the relevant content within), from the other side of the key-hole. How people feel, is then up to them: it is not then the fault of “a rebuker!” (as you may term it), by which they would determine their feeling; rather the level to which they can identify with the parables title, now themselves. (in this case yourself)
4. Emotional vulnerability: Here we both score highly. Brett in many ways I must thank you for “getting your feelings out”. Exposing your heart to us. I have, as you have been, very vulnerable & honest. (I’ve had to try and match you Ha Ha!) There are many signs of the “fruit of the Spirit”, in our subsequent posts & counter comments. No-where do I even sense any sign of malicious attack of self-approval, or the general “bun-fighting” that would ordinarily accompany a topic as hot as this one. There is a lot of “I feel…” & very little “you are…”. Your softness & vulnerability will take you places very few would ever be able to go.
5. God is on this: As complicated as these discussions have been, I truly believe that God is on them, & in that there is “life” on them. This is perhaps a personal & very subjective comment. In turn, only you can tell if there is “life” on your words, for JE. (remember we are still doing our little comparison).
Finally: I’ve changed my recommendation: Please don’t delete your post, people may learn a lot while reading it all through, I should imagine.
Rich.
thankx Richard, quite possibly all the good this blog was for was for this subsequent online discussion [and the less public online one we had] which has been much appreciated and if that is the case then the good i intended from it [people being able to view the process of struggling with truth or the search for truth and forgiveness and resolution] has happened even if in a different way. i wish more people would ask the questions or be prepared to have the truth in love discussions – what made this one particularly easy and worth pursuing is that i never doubted your heart, motivation or love for me and that should maybe be the basis for all truth discussions. so thank you and let us continue to seek truth and wrestle with things where we are not sure of what the right answer is. and may God forgive me for any of this that was out of line or may have hurt anyone [especially john] along the way.