This is perhaps too long, but I’ve just been given a platform to vent out years and years worth of frustrations and I’m jumping in head first. But before I begin, let me say that I have way too many white friends to think that white people as a whole are racist, and I don’t know if all of what I’m about to say applies to my friends cos I think (or hope) my friends know some of this already…anywho…
Firstly, white privilege is real! You not being able to see it doesn’t mean you don’t benefit from it, it just means you’re blinded to the injustice others are experiencing. Having said that, white-adjacent (my own terminology) privilege is also a thing – the right accent, the right facial features, the right physical appearance (ie weave/wig vs Afro), listening to “white” music, etc – can also open doors for you that others might never get entry to.
When you’re black, it doesn’t matter how talented, skilled, or studied you are, you are always aware that the job you have is probably because of BEE. You are aware that, although you might be more qualified that a lot of the other people in the room, no one actually cares, you are just there to fill some quota. People hear that you’re in IT and you just see on their faces that they resent you for taking a job from some fictitious more well deserving white person…doesn’t matter how well deserving you are, there is probably a white person who deserved it more…what is more commonly known as “reverse racism”.
It might come across as if black people are always looking for racism, but it’s not. Black people see racism because we’ve dealt with it before. We know what it looks and feels like. You don’t see it because you don’t need to. You’re not aware of it because it won’t affect you anyway.
I hate it when someone (ie Helen Zille) says/does something offensive, then when black people call her out on it white people come to her defense and explain to black people why we are being over-sensitive, why we shouldn’t be feeling the way we are, why we are selfish for focusing on one small detail when there is so much wrong with this country…when white people make themselves arbiters of what is and isn’t worth getting worked up over.
I’m having a rough time reconciling Christianity and blackness. This is a new thing for me... this new found blackness or black consciousness, but it occurs to me that Christianity is very white/westernized…whiteness is close to godliness. Which is weird since, well, Jesus died for the world, not a culture or cultural norms. (The movie Noah has been getting a lot of flack for not being Biblically correct, the other day I read another article that criticized it for it’s all-white cast…which I hadn’t noticed…hmmm… )
It really doesn’t matter to me that there’s only a handful of white racists left…at the end of the day I only have to come across one on a bad day and I become another victim of an isolated hate crime. I think about this every time a white person casually drops the k-word, the n-word, or makes some racist joke.
Don’t say things like “blacks people do this” and “black people think that…” or “black people are like this and that…” and look to me for confirmation. I was not appointed to be the black representative in your group of friends. There are too many different tribes/cultures/subcultures within the black race in South Africa alone who do and say and behave differently, and within that there are individuals who choose to do their own thing, I have not been given permission to speak on behalf of anyone so please don’t ask me to…
And I really don’t like generalizations like black people can dance, black people are cool, etc…I know it’s meant as a compliment, but…black people are humans – individual humans, there are cool ones, there are uncool ones, there are even those who can’t dance…black people are individuals too.
I realize that it is never the intention, but when I’m the only black person in the room and race topics are brought up in whatever context (be it political – bee, or discussion on black culture, or a compliment – how “cool” black people are) it makes me very aware that I’m the only black person in the room. Makes me feel like I’m “the other”, the odd one out, the one that doesn’t belong. As I said, I realize that it is never the intention, and I’m not saying it should stop – I’m glad you are comfortable to discuss racial issues and not act like race isn’t a thing (SA is way too racialized for people to claim to be colorblind) I guess I just wanted you to be aware of it…*shrugs*
Blackface is never ok! “Black accents” when talking to black people sound patronizing…to me at least…
Yep, definitely too long…sorry about that.
*cue Intellectualize My Blackness by Skunk Anansie* 
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Thanks for this –
In all honesty, none of this surprises me. When white people (especially guys, for some reason) do these things when black people are around, I tend to also feel a little bit awkward. Most black people I know just laugh but I can’t help but think that it’s all a bit weird.
As to white privilege – I like what Brett said in another post – yes, we were privileged, but that’s also come with some hectic down sides. I no longer feel guilty about being white and privileged – but this may be because I myself am now in the lower class from an income perspective. I scratch my head at rich white and middle-class people these days too because I just don’t understand them.
As an interesting point, several years ago I went to the U.K. (paid for by a friend whose wedding it was – pretty amazing) and felt genuinely out of place. I turned to my friend and said, “You know what – there are WAY too many white people here.” I honestly felt out and strange and a bit weird. When I did see a black person I felt an odd sense of relief – it obviously reminded me of home and the people that I love.
Thanks for this post, appreciate it hey. (The ‘hey’ was added because that’s how white people talk.)
Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts here Ryan. This is a much needed conversation and we are just starting to scratch the surface, hey.
I’m fowarding this comment from the FB page on request:
This post is in principle based on a biased point of view (Standalone – sans part two and three) grounded in a seemingly justified frustration towards a specific race – that just so happens to include myself and you. I appreciate and respect the points of view from others, but can’t agree with this, as it is a generalized opinion from one individual (who has every right to freely feel any way she pleases – and I shall consider the points made, but then I have the freedom to assess this based on my personal experiences) – granted a larger number of individuals may feel this way – but emotion and reality are often not the same thing – just as my emotions provoked by a post suggesting I’ve little idea about my own opinions may cause me to react abruptly and offended – finally etched into my hard unwillingness to adapt by a remark challenging my willingness to adapt my opinion after new information is made available, suggesting that based on one sentence I’ve said, my entire person is already summarized. OR I could try look at this objectively – take into consideration the years of writing I’ve followed and respected of the Brett man, try and see my own shortcomings in this matter and consider what I can learn from this WITHOUT being scared of being judged and compartmentalised based on my skin colour and predispositional surname – or one single sentence.
With that said, I’m more than willing to discuss what I mean and meant with what I said, and I’m willing to accept where I was wrong and rectify anything that I’ve done to wrong anyone, but frankly – I mean to say that this goes both ways.
Consider the article written like this: “As a white guy I’m scared every time Malema opens his mouth, because I’m scared that me being white will be held against me somehow and I don’t belong in this country” – and then some black guy will comment: “Ooh – now that you mention it, things can be put both ways racism,”
I’m tired of racism. I’m tired of us and them – of black and white. We have a self entitlement syndrome and because my opinion is considered unpopular I immediately get sub-categorised as someone who has no idea and I’m unwilling to adapt my ideologies.
I spent a bit of time on the northern border of Zimbabwe and learned from the Shona people what it is to be humble – to appreciate love, community, life and celebrate this, I pray for unity – a place where ladies like Tsholo won’t have to feel insecure about being black – or think she gets judged because of it all the time, just like me – I pray for equality – on all levels.
Frans, i hear your heart and it sounds like you mean well and that is great and i hope you will get a chance to watch the video when i post it – is a long watch but it brings out a whole bunch of stuff that is uncomfortable for white people to hear – one thing i can tell you for absolute sure is that Tsholo’s testimony here is not just one person’s opinion – it is reflective of a large amount of the South African population and while Tsholo clearly stated that she is never looking to speak for ‘all black people’ i can tell you that what she says resonated with stuff i have heard from a lot of people – as i mentioned in one of the intros i did [and i imagine you are right there with me] i am white, heterosexual, male, middle-class [or wealthy class depending whose opinion is defining me], right-handed, able-bodied – i am at the top of the totem pole for most areas of comparation/judging/prejudice there are – and i didn’t choose any of that – that was just luck – or unluck – or something… but i have to own what it means and in South Africa the reality is that if you are white then you inherited a whole bunch of stuff in terms of opportunity [growing up – what school you went to, where you lived, where you could get work etc] and despite things having changed somewhat since 1994 we are still living with the benefits of time past and we have to go through some of the uncomfortable exploration to try and understand and hear the experiences and stories of others and also to try and put right if and where we can the imbalances and wrongs and if for a generation or two [or whatever it takes] of white people that means we get second place for a while, well not too long ago, the black [and coloured and indian] people didn’t even have a space at the table and so maybe in the hopes of the unified future you speak about, we are going to have to suck it up and be part of the solution. – do i wish this could all be over and unnecessary and can’t we all just be united already? absolutely, but that doesn’t take into account the pain of other peoples’ journeys and in some ways is just another demonstration of the comfort we have largely gotten used to.
you don’t have to agree wit everything that comes out of this, but i encourage you to listen without forming opinion and once you feel like you have truly heard, then sure, have an opinion, share your opinion, let’s converse, but don’t right this off as one person’s experience and feeling because it is not – is it everyone’s? probably not… but it is reflective of a whole lot more people. anyone want to back that up?
Frans, I think if you carefully read the post you will see that at no point does Tsholo make generalisations about ‘white people’, so I’m not really sure what you’re offended by.
She is just expressing some things that some white people maybe quite unconsciously say or do, which hurts her (and most likely, as B says, hurts others too), and she is trying to make us aware that we need to be sensitive to each other. For me (and I am a friend of Tsholo’s), this made me wonder if I had ever unconsciously or unthinkingly done some of these things, and made me more aware of not doing them in future, to her and to others. That’s what I took out of it.
As she is saying, ignoring race, and just thinking ‘we are all one’ does not address the hurt that we as South Africans still inflict on each other daily, and if you are ‘tired of racism’, imagine how those who still experience racism (and its historically-based social and economic effects) feel! I feel that you need to read the post again, before acting defensively. I’m sure your heart is in the right place, but your tone sounds a bit dismissive of someone’s very personal and raw experience.
It’s all very well to say ’emotions and reality are not the same thing’, but that is just semantics – Tsholo is expressing her daily reality, and how she feels about it. Of course it’s not ‘unbiased’ – these are her feelings, her perspective, and Brett never presented it as anything else. It may not be your experience, or the experience of other Black people you know (although they just may not have expressed their feelings to you at all), but I would gently suggest that you consider the efficacy (and lovingness) of simply dismissing someone’s emotions and perceptions because they do not suit YOUR version of how you would like the world to be. I don’t want to start some kind of online argument, and I think Brett has already responded very well, but I do feel that these are extremely sensitive issues expressed by real people, and we need to be kind and gentle rather than reactive or defensive, even when we’re behind a screen.
thankx Andrea, very well put!
In order for our country to move forward there must be honest engagement on the topic of racism from all four race groups. We need to to be open and honest to each other about our views, our frustrations, stereotypes etc in order to learn about each other and learn from each other Building relationships 101! Like building friendship, a marriage and in this case crossing cultures it takes time, patience and commitment. Not everybody wants this, but for those of us who do, lets forge ahead.
My husband is Africa American (but quite light in completion). He is often treated as a Cape Colored until he opens his mouth. Then he instantly becomes an honorary white–interactions and reactions change immediately. As a couple we have chosen to address this head on by engaging, enquiry, asking questions, so we can learn but also challenge the worldview of people. My point-it starts with me.
Thanks so much for this Erica and if you and your husband would like to write a piece on mixed race couples for the blog, drop me a mail at brettfish@hotmail.com cos it would be great to hear some of your story – the good, bad and ugly.
i feel like the kind of conversations we need to have to move on are not going to be easy or comfortable but are definitely necessary and as you said i am so keen to forge ahead…
so really, thankx a lot and let me know if you would like to write something together or on behalf of you both, love brett fish
[…] important thing has been said particularly by Tsholofelo Mpuri! You nailed it girl. I don’t even know why I am writing but Brett asked and I said […]
Brilliant post, Tsholo, and thanks for posting, Brett. The rest of the series is also amazing – it’s a difficult topic to engage with, but that’s why it’s important. Going to share this a lot. I especially thought Tsholo’s take on white privilege was helpful and brilliantly expressed.
Thankx Dre, and absolutely, just seeing how many times these various posts are being shared shows that these are important things and great to see them being shared by white people as well more now as it was interesting to see at the beginning all the shares were coming from my black friends which indicates something. i think it is going to get more awkward and more uncomfortable [at least i’m hoping so cos i feel we need to go there] before we really start dealing with the heart of some of the pain – and hopefully hope – that our friends and fellow countrypeople are holding… and ours…
So true. I know that , at a specific time, I had to take a good hard look at myself and my attitudes- when I was at university, and we were studying the construction of race in the media in Journalism.
I come from a ‘liberal’ upbringing and have always had a number of Black friends, since Grade 1 (I know that is a cliche, but my core friendship group in Matric was like a cheesy advert for the Rainbow Nation :), but the things we were dealing with on that course made me realise that even so, I probably had some deep-seated patronising, prejudiced, and privileged attitudes (many of which are inculculated by the media and our culture – we are not isolated bubbles), and it was very hard for me to admit that I wasn’t this perfect, liberal, broad-minded person, not all the time.
And the only way to deal with this was to admit it. And to keep admitting it, and to keep checking myself. So no, it’s not easy to be honest with yourself, and rethink your whole self-image, and it’s touchy, and I think that’s why people are often so quick to react without thinking when it comes to race. Also some people are just out-and-out bigots, for whatever reason, but hopefully those ones won’t be reading your blog? 😉
thankx Dre, i’ve been looking for a white voice on this race thing and haven’t yet found the best way to pose the question but even just what you’ve wrote in the comments has been great and few i imagine have seen it – do you have the time and inclination to put a post together on your experiences as mentioned about here – we can figure out the title or question as a different angle under the race heading if you’re up for it?
Gosh, just re-read my comment, and I hope that didn’t sound terribly pretentious and like I have it figured out through some university course, because I don’t, and I am learning all the time, and I hope that’s a good start – the willingness to learn… and to listen.
Ooh, sorry, my reply above wasn’t a reply to your comment now, if that makes sense. Sounds like an idea – will send you an email! 🙂
My experience too as a woman of colour. Thanks for posting this. All the things mentioned bugs me too, but have learned the hard way that one gets made out to be oversensitive if you make people aware of it. How else…?
A poplar description…
‘my coloured friend, Hillary, but don’t worry, she’s ok…’
Glad people are talking about it.
Thanks Hillary, yes i hear your pain and what an awfully racist comment to make [and i have to wonder back into my life to see if i’ve been guilty of similiar things, maybe more in the case of “for a girl” or something like that] – if you would like to share a story for this piece, drop me a line at brettfish@hotmail.com… thankx for stopping by!
Once again I am posting on an old post, but I felt the need to. I totally feel where Tsholofelo Mpuru is coming from. One thing that really got me is this:
“I’m having a rough time reconciling Christianity and blackness. This is a new thing for me… this new found blackness or black consciousness, but it occurs to me that Christianity is very white/westernized…whiteness is close to godliness. Which is weird since, well, Jesus died for the world, not a culture or cultural norms. (The movie Noah has been getting a lot of flack for not being Biblically correct, the other day I read another article that criticized it for it’s all-white cast…which I hadn’t noticed…hmmm… )”
I’m less concerned at how Westernized Christianity is, which is kinda funny cause people to forget the Ethiopian eunuch, but anyways, my issue is being Christian, Black and conscious. Because I find there are moments were I want to have an us vs them mentality, but God doesn’t want that. Sometimes black consciousness for me can be very polarizing so I struggle with my need to be aware of it and also know when to let things go, for my journey with God. Love this piece, I hope you revive this section.
[…] And in relationship with them. Taking their lead. i love how friends of mine like Nkosi, Avuyile, Tsholo and Sindile have graciously accepted the invitations and run with them on a number of occasions. […]