Some last reflections from our trip to Robben Island last weekend [1]: Before i even look at my notes, what stands out to me was the depth of conversation - i barely knew anyone that we went with, so mostly new friends or people i had met once or twice before and yet we dived in to some deep conversations that happened so naturally. Probably because we all knew why we were there, but none [...]
i don't feel very strong right now. i feel wronged. badly done by. hurt. betrayed. disappointed. and yet again and again it comes back to me that the call is on me to forgive. pride. ego. self-righteousness. my idea of "justice". all these things rally against me, trying to convince me that i am in the right [maybe i am] and that the other should approach me [maybe they should] and seek peace and restoration. [...]
i love my wife, the beautiful Val, i really do, and when i love her well, i think i love her really, really well, but when i love her badly, i can REALLY suck at it... one way i have becoming increasingly more aware of doing this is by giving her a "yes" to a question that she asks or a request she makes for me to do something, that sounds a lot more like [...]
it has been in the context of 'being wronged' that i have noticed it. and also brought up by an email i received the other day asking how we can be okay with the fact that God ordered genocide in the old testament [a really important question which i have grown up not asking - killing of many in the old testament was always seen as okay because it was 'the goodies killing the baddies' [...]
how do we get it so wrong? pride. definitely. or maybe defiantly. definitively? what do they think of me? what don't they think of me? what should they think of me? what do i want them to think of me? i can't believe they... i can't believe she didn't... why doesn't anyone... don't they know that i... don't they see that i... it is loving God it is loving people selfishness. defiantly so. or deftly? [...]